Sonntag, 22. März 2020

i-Love - My Online Crush - Chapter 2

Saturday was a sunny and warm day. The sky was bright blue and it didn't seem like rain.
Jimin was lounging on the rooftop, wearing a pair of sunglasses sipping on some iced tea. He had gathered some of the members, who had some free time.
Jin-seok (Jin) and Yoon-gi (Suga) had joined the army only recently. Ho-seok (J-Hope) was in California at the moment, producing new rap songs for a casting show that Kanye West had established. Nam Joon (RM) had a tight schedule as an embassador for UNICEF. But at least Taehyung (V) and Jungkook were happy to join Jimin on this day in late September.
"I could just chill here all day.", Jimin said while absorbing the sun.
"I still think we should go on vacation.", Taehyung stated. 
Jimin had his black hair in his usual middle parting, he wore a pair of sweat pants and a muscle shirt showing his trained and defined arms.
"What use is a vacation, when we are in the best country in the world?", Jimin asked and looked at his band member furrowing.
"I want to go outside.", Taehyung said.
"We are outside.", Jimin replied.
"I mean the real outside.", Taehyung shook his head. "I want to drink some cold juice on the streets, go to a museum or something like that. But we cannot even set a single step on the streets without people recognizing us."
"That's the price of being famous.", Jimin said.
"Stop arguing.", Jungkook interrupted the two. He had his arms crossed behind his head, his eyes closed, relaxing.
"Maybe we can go to Canada.", Taehyung suggested, basically ignoring Jungkook.
"Why Canada?", Jimin asked.
Taehyung shrugged his shoulders.
"We should do something else. We were busy for so many years and now we finally got some time for ourselves. No one puts any pressure of us, no one is expecting anything of us. We should be using this opportunity to do something that we always wanted to do.", Jungkook said. He leaned forward on his chair to face the guys.
"Like having a girlfriend?", Jimin went with a smirk on his lips.
Taehyung rolled his eyes.
"I meant like going to the beach or going for a bike ride. But I guess getting a girlfriend counts."
"Didn't you date that one girl?", Taehyung put into consideration.
But Jimin quickly shushed him. "Don't you dare say that.", he squinted at him.
Jungkook started laughing. "Oh, you mean Jimin's imaginary girlfriend."
"That's really mean. She really was my girlfriend.", Jimin said and pouted. He looked cute when he was upset.
"Whatever man.", Taehyung said and sighed.
"I actually met someone yesterday.", Jimin said after a short while of silence, facing the ground.
"You what?", Taehyung gasped and Jimin immediately had his full attention. 
Jimin nodded in satisfaction. 
"Who is she?", Taehyung wanted to know. Also Jungkook was patiently waiting for Jimin's response.
"She is the queen of hearts.", Jimin then said.
"What?", Taehyung replied.
Jungkook rose an eyebrow. 
"I mean the QueenOfHearts.", he tried to make them understand by emphasizing the user name for which I was famous for.
"No, I don't get it.", Jungkook shook his head. "What is he talking about?"
"The review queen?", Jimin added with a questionmark. He had been talking about the 'QueenOfHearts' a lot. But whenever he was talking about his online stuff, people tended to not really pay attention anymore. And so neither Taehyung nor Jungkook knew anything about the 'QueenOfHearts'.
Jungkook and Taehyung looked at each other, seemingly communicating via telepathy. 
"She writes those reviews online. She became famous because of the Tazza review in 2014."
"That's like ages ago.", Taehyung complained.
"But I still don't quite understand.", Jungkook said. "What do you mean, you 'met' her?"
Jimin sighed. "As you know the latest Tazza movie was just released and of course she posted a review again. So I commented on that review."
"Please tell me you didn't use your real name.", Taehyung imitated praying to heaven.
"Commenting is not meeting, my friend.", Jungkook added.
Jimin threw a mad glance at Taehyung, who didn't seem impressed by his death stare. "There is more.", he said.
And so he told Taehyung and Jungkook about how he invited me to a private chatroom and how we had talked all night.
"What is her name? Do you even know her age?, Jungkook wanted to know after Jimin was done talking.
"She could be a dude.", Taeyhung remarked somewhat amused.
"She doesn't sound like a dude when writing.", Jimin defended himself.
"Still.", Taehyung didn't seem convinced. 
"She doesn't know it's you?", Jungkook asked.
If only I had known who I was really talking to back then, maybe the story would have been a different one. But I was completely clueless that an idol, even a famous one as him, was talking to a random girl like me out of pure interest. 

-

I didn't know what exactly it was about PrinceofBusan, but for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about him all Saturday. He didn't reply anymore nor did he read my last message. It was weird, I thought. Why did he go offline so suddenly. Maybe he really did fall asleep?
I noticed how my thoughts kept circling around that stranger from the Internet.
It was Kyungmin who dragged me out of my thoughts. He came to pick me up. If it wasn't for Kyungmin, I would probably always spend my weekends at home. I wasn't really the social type of girl and I didn't have any friends in Seoul, apart from Kyungmin of course.
"How about we hit some club today?", Kyungmin suggested while we headed to Hongdae.
I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't really care.
"What's wrong with you today?", he asked and looked at me with serious concern. 
I didn't want to tell him anything about my chat from last night. Too many times Kyungmin had told me to live in the real world. He would think I was crazy for chatting with PrinceofBusan. And thinking about him all freaking day.
"I'm just a little stressed because of work.", I lied.
Kyungmin seemed to buy my story. "Let's go to 'Thursday Party'. You can forget about work for a while.", he said.
So a while later I found myself in the middle of a club called 'Thursday Party'. I never really got that name, but people seemed to like it. It was always crazy crowded and it was a common place for foreigners to come.
Kyungmin and I managed to get a small table for ourselves. We had some beer and the loud music was surrounding us.
"Could you at least look like you're having fun?", Kyungmin yelled.
I forced a smile onto my lips. I really didn't feel like partying, dancing, laughing. I felt like sleeping or maybe crying.
Kyungmin dragged me out of the club and onto the playground. It was much more quiet here, although it was still filled with a bunch of people.
"Sit here.", he said and pushed me down onto a bench. 
Kyungmin went to get some soju from a nearby convenient store. I always wondered if he felt bad when he wasn't buying from his Dad's store. 
When he came outside with a few bottles in his arms, a group of girls stopped him. I didn't know where they were from, but they looked like maybe from Sweden or Norway. Tall, blonde and with tanned skin. Kyungmin awkwardly smiled at them and run his fingers through his hair. He didn't even know girls went even more crazy for him when he did that. I shook my head.
Kyungmin then pointed into my direction. Why on earth was I here? Compared to them I looked like a skunk. I haven't even tried to look presentable. 
"What did they want?", I asked Kyungmin as soon as he was close enough to hear me.
"Oh nothing.", he shrugged his shoulders while handing me a bottle of strawberry soju.
"Didn't seem like nothing.", I said. I felt like Kyungmin never wanted to talk to me about his girl stories. Like he was trying to hide that he was attractive and I wasn't. Kyungmin was always followed by a bunch of female eyes wherever and whenever he was walking. While I was mostly ignored - especially by guys.
I looked down at myself. I was a sad figure.
"One of them was quite cute.", I said.
"You think so?", Kyungmin asked back.
I nodded.
"Why don't you go after her then?", he joked.
I lightly punched his shoulder. "I'm trying to be considerate here."
"In what way?"
"Obviously they were attracted to you and even a blind person could see that they were really beautiful. I feel like I'm keeping you from having real fun. Why don't you go hang out with a guy friend and go hunt some girls or whatever..."
Kyungmin's face went from smiling to a rather serious expression.
But he wouldn't answer anymore. Instead he opened both our bottles of soju, handed me one and bumped them together. 
"To a great night.", he said and slugged down the soju.
It didn't take long until I felt the alcohol making me dizzy and my thoughts were even more out of control than ever.
"Kyungmin.", I slured. "Kyungmini.", I giggled.
Kyungmin had a high alcohol tolerance and seemed pretty much fine even after emptying two of the bottles by himself. 
I rested my head against his broad shoulder. "Why is he ignoring me?", I asked with my head spinning.
"Who?", he asked back.
"PrinceofBusan.", I replied.
"What do you mean?"
"We were talking all night long last night. But then he never replied. I don't even get it."
"You talked to him?", Kyungmin needed to confirm.
I nodded, still leaning against him. 
"But you do know that it's kind of dangerous, right?"
I snorted. I didn't want to hear that. "I knew you would say that."
Kyungmin looked like he was lost in thought for a while. His expression was serious and he stared into the distance, clenching his jaw. 
"Am I ugly?", I suddenly heard myself asking.
Kyungmin looked at me without his expression changing. He was a real friend, bearing with me when I had my worst moments.
"You're not. I told you so many times.", he replied and sighed. 
"Then why don't I ever have a boyfriend?", I whined. The alcohol was talking. All my insecurities wanted to come out.
"Because you never like any guys.", Kyungmin smiled at me. He put his arm around me and lifted me up from our seats. "We should get you home, huh?", he said.
"Guys don't like me.", I complained. Why was he trying to blame me now?
"That's not true.", he shook his head a little sad.
"Oh really? Then who likes me?", I wanted to know. I squinted my eyes at him while he was walking me to the street.
Our eyes met for a long while. He stopped walking and just looked me with his dark brown eyes. Honestly speaking Kyungmin was one of the most handsome guys I knew. He could be an idol or an actor. His smile was like pure gold, showing his white teeth. His small and defined nose, his cheek bones - his face was just beautiful. There were no other words to describe him. And yet I didn't feel attracted to him. We were just friends, always had been.
I guess because I knew that Kyungmin could never like me, I never even opened myself for the possibility of liking him. I didn't want one sided love. There was nothing more painful than that. Then I rather stayed alone. 
I sometimes felt bad for myself. I thougt so low of myself that I couldn't even consider someone would like me. 
But PrinceofBusan first showed interest in me. That's why it hurt even more that he never replied. It felt like I was rejected and he didn't even knew what I looked like or what my voice sounded like. Was I that horrible that even my personality couldn't hold people by my side?
Suddenly Kyungmin started walking again, pulling me alongside him.
He caught us a taxi and we went home, not talking a single word. 
I for myself, was tired as hell. I couldn't wait to fall into my bed. And I seriously hoped the spinning would stop soon. I was exhausted and even talking seemed to be too hard right now. 
However I didn't know why Kyungmin was so quiet. He looked outside of the window the entire ride home.

Because I couldn't really walk by myself, Kyungmin took me all the way up to my apartment. Luckily since he lived in the same building, it wasn't that far for him.
"You should stop blaming everyone else for your lonliness.", he said when we arrived in front of my door.
I wasn't ready for any type of serious talk right now.
"There are guys liking you, but you don't even care. You don't even see it, or show any interest in them."
Suddenly it popped into my mind. I knew who he was talking about.
"You're referring to Alberto, right?", I asked and pointed my finger at him, while trying to focus.  
Kyungmin sighed in disappointment. "Right, I'm talking about Alberto."
"I knew it.", I giggled.
"Go to sleep.", Kyungmin said somewhat unsmilingly. 
"I don't like Alberto.", was the last thing I said before I entered my apartment and left a sad looking Kyungmin behind.

I woke up Sunday morning with my head hurting. I searched for my phone and checked the time. 12:55 p.m. I had been sleeping like a dead person for hours now. And yet I still could sleep more. 
Then I discovered a message on my phone. PrinceofBusan had answered.
Suddenly I was wide awake and jumped out of my bed, immediately running to my computer to read his message. I still couldn't believe my eyes, when I saw the blue '1' that marked a new message.
PrinceofBusan: How is your weekend?
QueenOfHearts: It has been good so far. How about yours?
And the waiting began one more time.
I took a shower to give him some time to reply. I also made a coffee and forced myself not to check my computer or phone again. The sudden thrill of his message made my heart race.
PrinceofBusan: Mine too!
PrinceofBusan: Were you out last night?
QueenOfHearts: How do you know?
PrinceofBusan: Because your reply came late for a Sunday.
QueenOfHearts: Maybe I'm just someone who sleeps in...
... and then a pause. I waited and waited. Was my answer stupid? Hell yes, it was. I slapped my hand against my forehead, sipped on my fresh and tasty black coffee.
PrinceofBusan: You like going to clubs?
QueenOfHearts: Sometimes... But usually I don't really enjoy it.
PrinceofBusan: It's interesting to see what kind of a person you are.
QueenOfHearts: Sounds like you knew me before?!
PrinceofBusan: Everyone who likes Tazza knows you. ;)
QueenOfHearts: Could be true... LOL
PrinceofBusan: You are a girl though, right?
My heart skipped a beat. It seemed like he really wanted to get to know me. But at the same time I had Kyungmin's words in the back of my head. It could be dangerous to disclose personal information about myself. 
QueenOfHearts: I am! 
QueenOfHearts: Are you a guy?
PrinceofBusan: Yes ^^
PrinceofBusan: Can I know your name?
QueenOfHearts: I'm not really sure...
His direct way of speaking was indeed flattering but it also made me a little uncomfortable. I had been waiting for his message all Saturday long and now that he finally messaged me back, I didn't feel save to answer him... Somehow I wanted to trust him, but something made me act careful.
PrinceofBusan: That's okay.
It already seemed like he was losing interest.
QueenOfHearts: It's just because I don't know you.
PrinceofBusan: Yea, you need to be careful on the internet.
QueenOfHearts: Exactly...
I sighed. What kind of crap was that. I was pretty much sure he wouldn't reply anymore and was even more surprised when he did.
PrinceofBusan: I just really want to get to know you, somehow. You seem smart and sophisticated. I've never talked to someone like you before.
QueenOfHearts: Well thank you...
QueenOfHearts: Maybe you can tell me something about yourself first... so I know who I am talking to.
PrinceofBusan: Okay, sure.
This is another point in the story that could've went completely different. But the person Jimin was, he wasn't ready to tell me about his identity nor did he even think I would believe him if he did. It was one thing to ask me about myself but another one to answer back.
PrinceofBusan: I'm Kim Hansol. I'm 26 years old and I am originally from Busan as my name reveals.
Would you have been able to find the one lie that lay within his words?
QueenOfHearts: So you really are from Busan?!
PrinceofBusan: Exactly. But I moved to Seoul quite a few years ago.
QueenOfHearts: What's your job, if I may ask.
PrinceofBusan: I study economics at Dongguk University.
PrinceofBusan: Will you tell me your job?
QueenOfHearts: I actually work as a social worker.
PrinceofBusan: That sounds interesting.
QueenOfHearts: Well, it really doesn't...
QueenOfHearts: Anyways, you live in Seoul now?
PrinceofBusan: Yes in Yongsan-gu, how about you?
QueenOfHearts: I actually live in Goyang.
I really started to feel more comfortable with him. He seemed to be a real person.
QueenOfHearts: But I moved here from Busan too.
PrinceofBusan: Really???
QueenOfHearts: Yea. ^_^
PrinceofBusan: Do you miss it?
QueenOfHearts: Sometimes I do. But mostly not. My Family still lives in Busan though. So I try to visit them regularly.
PrinceofBusan: My family still lives there too. However I didn't manage to see them a lot in the past.
QueenOfHearts: University can be tough right?
PrinceofBusan: Yes...
We talked more and more about our childhood and our families. I found out he had a younger brother, another thing we had in common - a younger sibling.  
I couldn't hide that there was something between us that made me curious. 

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