Jimin wore a black cap, deeply pulled into his face, covering his eyes with the shadow it created. It wasn't his best disguise. But it was better than nothing.
He took a taxi to Ilsan, where he was supposed to meet up with me. It was a good thing for him that Ilsan wasn't as crowded as Seoul and that it was near 10 p.m. so the streets were pretty much emptied. There weren't much people who could recognize him after all.
He was nervously shaking. His entire body was on edge. He had never done something like this. Nothing even near as crazy as this. He had basically ditched the other members, ditched his manager and had run off to meet some girl, he'd never seen before.
But there wasn't any time to think this over. His body had reacted on impulse and it had lead him all the way to the small Dunkin Donuts at the corner near Baekseok station. Close to the convenient store, Kyungmin was working at, close to my house to be exact.
For a moment everything seemed like the dumbest idea he ever had. For just a glimpse of a second he wished he would've never even messaged me, never stepped into this mess. But it was too late for that. And he knew he had to at least explain to me what was going on. He owed me that much.
He closed his jacket, pulling the collar up to cover his face, pulled the cap even further down and looking like a criminal, he entered the Dunkin Donut shop. He looked around carefully, trying to avoid the people's gazes. Only three other people were here. We were four, including me.
Jimin spotted me near a window. Taking a deep breath, he made a move forward, passing by the other customers, finding his way to my table.
I looked at that figure that appeared in front of me. He was tall, slender. Different from Hansol. His long legs were coated by a black pair of jeans, he wore some chelsea boots along with that and an expensive looking leather jacket on top of a black sweater, only letting me guess his defined body underneath.
„Jimin?", I asked and in the next moment I suddenly found him really close to me. His hand covering my lips. His dark eyes gazed into mine. It was the most intense look that anyone had ever given me. I held my breath reflexively, staring into his beautiful face - his sparkling eyes, framed by a set of dark lashes, his cute nose and those pouty lips with just the right amount of shine, inviting me for a kiss.
„Wow.", he gasped and let go of me. He swallowed down the lump that had formed inside his throat.
I looked at him surprised. It took me a moment to realize, why he seemed to familiar. And now it was me, who was holding my mouth to not cry out loud.
„You are...", I whispered.
„Yeah, you figured that out.", he said quietly.
I was carefully peeking if anyone else was watching us right now. But they all seemed busy with themselves.
„Do you want coffee?", he asked me.
„I'll go. You can stay here.", I said and basically jumped off my chair. „Do you want anything special?"
„I'd like a white mocha.", he answered.
I had to be dreaming. You can't even imagine how confused I was. Not for even a second I had thought that Hansol meant THAT Jimin, when he said his friend's name was Jimin. Never in a million years I would've thought that.
I quickly brought the coffee back to the table. It was a weird feeling having this top star sitting here with me, drinking some cheap coffee in a Dunkin Donuts. I even felt a little stupid for bringing him to such a place.
„I guess you are pretty surprised to see me here.", he said.
„You bet.", I replied.
He smiled shyly, revealing his crooked front tooth that made him ever so adorable. „Are you disappointed?", he wanted to know.
„I don't really know how to answer that.", I said in all honesty. Somehow I was surprised how easy it was for me to talk to him.
„Would you rather want me to be Hansol?", he continued asking.
I took a sip of my coffee and thought about this entire situation.
„Before I answer that, can you maybe fill some gaps here?!", I eventually replied. „I kinda can't believe this is all happening right now."
Another smile captured his lips. It was a smile that melted my heart. He seemed so innocent and pure. Just like the person I had messaged with for hours and hours. There was no doubt about the fact that he was the one - he was the one I had been talking to, the one I fell for, the one I couldn't get out of my head.
„It wasn't a lie when I said I knew you.", he started off. „I was following your activities in the fan cafe for a while. But of course I never thought about contacting you. After all I didn't even know who you were."
He took a short break to drink from his coffee.
„To be honest I don't know why I eventually wrote that comment. And I really don't even know why I was so rude."
„It really was rude.", I agreed.
He tilted his head, the lights in the shop hit his eyes for a while, before the shadow of his cap lay over them again.
„Sorry for that.", he said with the same melodic voice that had already overwhelmed me on the phone. „It was a stupid move but in the end it worked out quite well."
I didn't reply to that. I didn't know if I agreed on that. Did it really work out well?
„I'm a little nervous.", he then said and threw me off. How come he was nervous. He was famous and knew how it was in front of a whole audience. Though he seemed weirdly down to earth. Probably different than I would imagine someone like him to be. I didn't know him well. I wasn't a fan of him or his group. I knew them - like everyone knew them - but that was about it.
„I didn't want to lie to you.", he looked down to his coffee, not facing me anymore. „But I think you can imagine that I cannot just run around telling people who I am. I couldn't tell you it was me. And I was thinking, even if I did say it was me, would you have even believed me?"
He did have a point there, right?!
„It was a stupid idea to pretend to be Hansol. I was panicking at that time.", he shook his head. „I just didn't want to lose what we had."
Suddenly my heart beat faster. Did he really just say that? Was it possible he was feeling the same as me about all this?
„I made some bad experience in the past. I know that isn't an excuse for what I did to you. But I want you to be able to understand why I did what I did."
I was looking at him, observing every inch of his face. I still couldn't believe he was real. How could someone be so handsome?!
„A lot of fans try to get our numbers, contacts, things like that. It happens that they try to approach us, using us for some good story or causing a rumor. I'm not talking about Army of course. I'm talking about the bad fans."
I tried to follow his words. I got lost somewhere when he mentioned some Army.
„Anyways, I just wanted to be careful, take things slow with you, get to know you before. So I sent Hansol to check you out, see what kind of person you are and if he thought it was okay for me to reveal my identity to you."
„Can you stop for a moment?", I asked him.
He looked a little startled.
I finished my coffee with some large sips. Jimin also finished his coffee.
I somehow didn't want to hear anything about that anymore.
„Can we maybe go for some air?", I asked him.
„Oh, yea sure.", he said and immediately got up from his chair.
I took my coat, wrapped myself in it and left the Dunkin Donuts, followed by Jimin.
„I don't want to sound rude, but can we maybe not go to any bright and crowded places?", he asked me.
I looked at him for a moment. I thought about what it would be like to be with him. Was it really what I wanted. He wanted to know if I was disappointed and I still didn't really have an answer for that.
I nodded and led the way.
We walked quietly next to each other. I didn't really know what to talk about and neither did he.
We reached a small playground and sat down on the swings.
„It's a nice night actually.", Jimin said, swung slowly back and forth and looked up at the sky. No clouds, no stars.
I kept looking at him. He was fascinating. Every move he made was like a cat, delicate and smooth. I could tell from afar that he wasn't an ordinary person.
„Can you just meet me like that?", I heard myself ask.
His eyes caught mine. „Probably not.", he answered.
„I see.", I said and turned my head. I didn't want him to see the disappointment in my eyes.
„I didn't show up tonight because my manager suddenly wanted to see us.", he added. „BTS is on a break, so I am mostly free though."
„Do you want to imply that you have quite a lot of time for me then?"
Jimin nervously scratched the back of his neck and smiled. „Sort of."
I got up from the swing and walked a few steps away. Jimin followed me in an instant.
„Soo Young.", he grabbed my wrist and spun me around. It was such a cliche scene but it actually felt like it was running in slow motion for me.
I looked up into his perfect face. He held me close to him and I could feel his chest go up and down while he was breathing.
I slowly put my arms underneath his coat, using this opportunity to touch his defined torso and entwine my hands behind his back. My entire was body was pressed to his and I was watching carefully how his face would change. The gaze inside of his eyes grew stronger, I could see an excited sparkle. He tightened his grip around me and with that, put a smile on my face.
I felt so warm in his embrace that I automatically let my head fall onto his chest, closing my eyes for a moment and breathing his incredible scent in.
Jimin didn't say a word. He was just standing there, holding me.
I couldn't explain why I did that, why I felt so comfortable with him. He was way different from Hansol. He made me feel things, I never felt before. Somehow it was like I knew him all my life. I didn't feel awkward with him or as if I had to pretend to be someone else.
„Are you alright?", I heard Jimin's voice near my head. His breath tickled my ear.
„I just wanted to do this while I can." I answered.
„What do you mean?", he said with a hint of sadness inside of his voice.
„I mean, I don't know for sure, but after all, you are famous and I am not."
„Stating the obvious.", he chuckled.
„I just don't really think that this can work out.", I stated.
Jimin then grabbed my shoulders and slightly pushed me away so he could meet my eyes again. I smiled at him sadly.
„Please don't say that.", he said.
It hurt to see him like that. I knew I was building my shield right now. I didn't want to get hurt, so I tried to pull away. But maybe I was already too far in this and maybe it was too late to back out now.
„You wanted to know if I am disappointed right? Or if I wanted you to be Hansol."
„Mhm.", he said and I felt how his body stiffened.
„I'm glad you are actually not him.", I then said and sparkled at him. I couldn't even describe how he made me feel. It was surreal. He was the first guy - apart from Kyungmin - that I was hugging and that I was so close with.
„Are you?", Jimin wanted to confirm.
I nodded: „I didn't really get along with Hansol. That's why I left that date so early. And if it wasn't for your messages, I wouldn't have gone to meet him again."
„How can you be so perfect?", Jimin said with a happy smile on his smooth looking lips.
„I have my moments.", I said with a sudden confidence that felt quite new to me.
„I know I am not in the position to ask you for anything...", he said.
„But?"
„...but, I wanted to ask you for a favor."
„What kind of favor?", I wanted to know.
„Can you please not close our chapter before we've tried?"
I wasn't expecting him to say something like that. Still I couldn't figure out what was even going on.
„What is this even?", I let my thoughts out loud.
That amazing smile went back onto Jimin's face and he lit up. His eyes became small and I had to say he looked the most beautiful when he was smiling. He had this heart-melting smile as if he could never harm anyone, as if he would never be able to hurt me. Whatever it was that surrounded him, it made me want to trust him. It was similar to what I felt when we were only texting. There was this undeniable thing that drew us towards each other.
„For all I know I just met you two hours ago and now I've been hugging you for the last 20 minutes."
„Have you done something like this before?", I suddenly asked him. Maybe that question was too personal, but somehow I needed to know.
„Not even close.", he answered right away. „Have you?", he asked back.
I shook my head. „To be honest I never even had a boyfriend."
Don't ask me why I said something so embarrassing on the first ‚date' or whatever this was. It's like I said, I just felt too comfortable around him, that I forgot what I better kept to myself.
„Are you cold or are you tired?", he asked me without responding to my last comment. I didn't know my lack of experience bothered him or not.
„A little bit of both.", I said, though I didn't want this moment to end. I was pretty sure there was no ‚next time'. Whatever made him come all the way to Ilsan to meet me, he wouldn't do this again. Not for me. I wasn't breathtakingly beautiful like him, I wasn't talented like him, not famous. I was on a complete other level. And I was okay with that, I thought. There was nothing wrong with being ordinary. But if you want to date an idol, ordinary didn't quite make the cut.
„What are you thinking?", he asked me.
„Nothing.", I lied. Even though he had asked me to give us a chance, I knew that there was no need for me to do so.
„So you live alone?", I asked him, bluntly.
He looked at me in surprise, not sure what my question was for. For god's sake I didn't even know myself. I just knew one thing right now, I didn't want this moment to end. I wanted this night to last as long as possible. I wanted to be with him while I could. Not because he was from BTS and most certainly not because he was someone famous - I wanted to be with him because I had already fallen for him before I've even seen him for the first time. Yes, maybe I had fallen for Hansol's looks alongside Jimin's character. But I would be lying if I said that I didn't like this version of ‚PrinceofBusan' a lot better.
„What do you have in mind?", he replied.
I was a little ashamed by my question. I didn't want him to think I wanted to sleep with him right away or anything like that. No, don't even ask what my head already had been imagining since the very first moment I saw him. But that was only natural, right? I had urges, too. And a little bit inner cinema never hurt anybody, right?! I shook the thoughts off before I would blush in front of him.
„It's nothing like that.", I said, almost whispering.
„So you don't want to watch all 4 Tazza movies while eating ramyun and tteokbokki?", he smiled at me.
I was overwhelmed by his response. He was perfect in every way. It almost made me sad that he wasn't as ordinary as me.
„I mean, only if you wanted to.", he added, grinning at me, waiting for my answer.
„I'd really love to do that.", I said.
All the alarm bells that would've kept me from going home with him were completely turned off. My head was completely malfunctioning when I was with Jimin.
It took us a while to get to Jimin's apartment. But the entire way there felt like only 5 minutes, because we kept talking and talking. I wanted to forget our bumpy start, I wanted to forget about the Hansol lie, I just wanted to live this moment. Kyungmin always said I had to live in the real world and that was exactly what I was doing right now.
„I actually don't even know what state the apartment is in. Sorry, if it is messy or dusty. I haven't been here in a long time.", Jimin said when we took the elevator in the luxurious apartment complex where he had bought a super huge apartment with a great few over the hanriver.
„Where are you usually staying then?"
„In an apartment with the other members.", he said.
„That's cute in a way.", I replied.
„It's a little weird, right?"
„I don't think so.", I shook my head. „I mean you spent so many years together and it's normal for idols to live together in the beginning, right?! I can understand why it could be hard to move out. After all they are like your family."
„How can you be so insightful?!", he patted my head. It was a gesture that people did when they were really close to each other, when they cared about each other.
We reached Jimin's apartment, which was even larger than I had imagined.
„It's quite cold here.", I noticed.
Immediately Jimin went to turn on the heating system and carried some blankets from the bedroom to the couch, which was placed in front of a gigantic TV.
He took my coat and after placing an order of tteokbokki he went to the kitchen to prepare some ramyun.
„Should I help you?", I asked and joined him. I felt a little misplaced in the huge apartment. It showed me more than anything that him and me were from completely different worlds. I wasn't sure if someone like me could ever belong in a place like this.
„It's fine.", he said.
Then he took off his cap and for the first time I saw his shiny, black hair.
I gasped for a second.
He had been stunningly attractive before but stroking his hair back, he looked like some Greek god. His white skin was just perfectly even. His hair was as black as his glowing eyes and his pink lips looked as kissable as ever. I really had to keep my thoughts under control. This wasn't PG-13 anymore.
„I like the way you look at me.", he grinned and approached me.
I shyly backed away but Jimin was faster than me.
He stroke a strand of hair behind my ear. „Do you feel comfortable here?"
„With you, yes.", I boldly said. Something was really wrong with me. How could I always answer so honest. Believe me when I say, I was usually a rather timid and quiet person. I wouldn't make a move on a guy and I felt mostly awkward in my own body and mind.
„I'm glad to hear that.", he replied. His voice weakened my knees. How would I ever get enough of that? I was really asking myself why I've never listened to BTS songs before. I could've heard this voice for the last few years. This pure tenor that could sing me into a deep, deep and comforting sleep.
„Would you sing something for me?", I asked.
„Really?", Jimin chuckled.
„I have to admit I am not a fan...yet. Or more likely I never paid attention to BTS."
„But you knew who I was right away.", he stated with a cheeky glow inside of his eyes.
„Everyone does.", I said.
„But you never listened to us?"
I nodded. I felt a little stupid for not knowing anything about them. To be honest I didn't even know all the member's names. I knew their faces, yes, but not their names. Another reason why I didn't catch on when Hansol had talked about Jimin.
„Then should I sing something for you?", Jimin grinned.
„Please.", I said in excitement.
„This is somehow embarrassing.", he laughed.
„Oh, don't be embarrassed. Just pretend I am your regular audience.", I tried to make him feel more comfortable.
„How could I pretend that, when you are the most beautiful audience I've ever had?", he flirted.
I eventually blushed. Who wouldn't have?! He was just too charming and too playful for me to not devour him with my eyes.
And then he cleared his throat and started singing: „You're hurting too, 'cause you're mine. I just want to blow your mind. You're only drifting further away like this. I say that it's all fine. That's not what I truly think. I want you to be your light, baby. You should be your light. So you won't hurt anymore, so you can smile more. I want you to be your night, baby. You could be your night. I'll be honest with you tonight. Now promise me, oh, oh. Several times a day, oh, oh. Even if you feel that you are alone, oh, oh. Don't throw yourself away, oh, oh. Hold on for a moment. Intertwine our pinkies. And promise me now, oh, oh, oh ,oh."
And with that last sentence, he took my hand and intertwined our pinkies. And whatever it was that he wanted me to promise him, I did.
„That is such a beautiful song.", I said. „It's sad that I never paid attention to this before."
„Better late than never.", Jimin winked at me.
„You have a really beautiful voice. But I guess you already know that.", I said.
It felt weird complementing him on something so trivial. Duh, a singer had a great voice. I should've come up with some better lines if I wanted to make an impression.
„But it means a lot coming from you.", he replied. How did he always know exactly what to say?! It was astonishing. He was astonishing.
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