Jimin and I had placed ourselves in a pile of blankets on the floor in front of a small table, watching the Tazza movies while munching on the delicious food. I almost forgot where I was, it felt like the time had stopped for us.
„It's gotten quite late.", Jimin mentioned.
It was indeed already 2 a.m in the morning and we weren't finished with all the movies yet.
„Oh.", I just said. Reality slowly pulled me back from my dream cloud. I reflexively got up from my seat next to Jimin.
„You don't have to leave.", he said and also got up.
„I have work tomorrow.", I said. There was this other thing that differentiated us - I had to wake up every morning and go to work. Work for my money and to pay my rent. Whereas he already had everything.
Jimin nervously bit his lower lip: „Should I take you home then?"
There was not train going anymore. After all it was after midnight. And I didn't want to pay a taxi. But what options did I have?
„I mean you can always stay here.", he suggested with an awkward grin on his face. We both knew that we were going a little too fast with whatever this was. How could I already spend the night at his place? But then again, was any of this even real?
„I have an extra guest room where you can sleep.", he added quickly. But of course I had already imagined sleeping next to him in his comfy bed, maybe having his strong arms around me, feeling his steady breath in my neck as he would be sleeping behind me.......enough of that now.
„I guess I could do that.", I said, pushing all those thoughts far away.
Jimin first took me to his gigantic walk-in closet. As if I wasn't flashed enough already, his collection of shoes, hats and jackets overwhelmed me quite a bit.
„You can take whatever you want to sleep in.", he said and then showed me some drawers full of sweat pants and shirts he apparently usually wore to sleep.
I was wondering for how much those sold on ebay.
I changed into Jimin's clothes. Should I repeat that? I CHANGED INTO JIMIN'S CLOTHES. No additional words needed, am I right?!
I found myself in his guest room still wondering what the heck I was even doing here. I had forgotten who he was while we were watching the movies. He made it easy to forget to be honest. He had this way to make me laugh and we had a fantastic time together. We swam on the same wave length.
Jimin knocked on the door before sticking his head inside.
„Are you alright?", he asked me and then entered. He had also changed into something comfortable - still looking like a god though.
I nodded. My heart started to beat as fast as a racing car.
„I just wanted to make sure that I'm not pressuring you into anything.", he said.
„No, no. I'm fine, really.", I was more than fine to be exact.
„I will be just a few doors away if you need anything. And I can take you to work in the morning."
„Oh, you don't have to wake up for me.", I shook my head.
„But I want to.", he said with THAT smile on his face. I could tell you over and over and over and over again how amazing that smile was. But I suppose you got it by now.
I took a deep breath, an attempt to calm myself down - useless, of course.
„That's really sweet of you.", I said.
„You should go to sleep now.", his eyes sparkled at me.
With a heavy heart, I went to bed. I knew Jimin was so close by. And my heart knew that all too well. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to find any sleep tonight.
But as amazing as I felt, I knew this feeling wouldn't last long anymore. Every high is followed by a low. That's just nature, I guess. I mean even our economy works like that. We have the expansion - I already went through that - then the peak, if this wasn't the peak right now, then I don't know...and then, the recession and depression follow. Oh hell, I didn't want to go through that. But there wasn't a way to break this cycle. At least I didn‘t know of any.
-
„Jimin, we need to talk.", Sejin said as soon as Jimin entered the group's apartment.
Jimin's bright smile froze immediately. „What's going on?", he asked. He didn't think it would have any consequences when he left the meeting with their manager.
Taehyung and Jungkook were sad figures sitting on the couch, holding their heads down.
Jimin looked at Jungkook who looked at him with apologetic eyes.
All the good feelings Jimin has had for the last night were suddenly vanished as reality hit him with all its power.
„Is this about last night?", Jimin asked.
Sejin sighed and got up from his seat and went over to Jimin. He put his arm around him and guided him to the couch. He placed Jimin next to the other two members.
„It is, I guess.", Sejin said.
„I know, I shouldn't have run off like that. But I had something really really important going on."
„I already know what so important was.", Sejin said. Jimin couldn't read his eyes. Sejin took his phone out of his pocket and balanced it in front of Jimin's face. „Care to explain to me, who that is?"
Jimin swallowed hard. There was a picture of Jimin and me in front of his apartment complex.
„It's all over the internet.", Sejin said with a voice that sounded somewhat mad and somewhat disappointed.
„I'm sorry.", was all that came into Jimin's mind.
Sejin shook his head and ruffled through his hair. „So who is she?"
Jimin looked at Jungkook and Taehyung for help. But he was on his own this time. They couldn't help him.
„She is...", Jimin started. He wasn't sure what was the best thing to say. He's never been in a situation like that.
„I'm listening.", Sejin said.
Jimin was still out of words.
„Look, I'm not totally mad, if that's what makes you so quiet. But I need to know what's going on in order to fix this. Do you know how many calls we are getting, asking for a dating confirmation. Army are going crazy right now. I don't think you will be able to set a foot outside, if we don't resolve this quickly."
And so Jimin had to tell Sejin where he met me. He left out a few embarrassing details but basically summed up what had happened over the last two weeks or so.
„So she is a nobody?", Sejin wanted to confirm.
„She most certainly isn't a nobody to me.", Jimin said sadly.
„And you knew about this? And even encouraged him?", Sejin asked Taehyung and Jungkook.
The two grinned awkwardly. „Well we aren't forbidden to date, right?!", Taehyung said.
„That's true. We are on a break after all. We aren't promoting. You can't expect us to never date anyone.", Jungkook added.
„I know, I know. It would be naive to think that boys in their 20s stay away from girls. I would've just wished that you came to me before so we can take precautionary measurements."
„Such as?", Jungkook wanted to know raising his eyebrows.
„Making sure you won‘t be seen, having her agree to a non-disclosure agtreement.", Sejin said.
Jungkook shook his head.
„What are we going to do now?", Taehyung asked.
„I should call her and tell her about that photo.", Jimin said.
„Luckily she can't be recognized, so we could still come up with some story about a stylist or something.", Sejin said.
„So you won't confirm Jimin's dating?", Jungkook wanted to know.
„Are you dating Jimin? Are you dating her?“, Sejin asked.
„Does it even matter what I say? It seems like you have it all figured out anyways.“, Jimin said with a hint of madness in his voice.
„I want you to lay low for a while. Don't meet her outside. No, don't meet her at all. And don't go back to your apartment, if that isn't a given already. We don't know how many paparazzi or fans will wait around to see if you come back."
„How come there wasn't anybody this morning?", Taehyung asked confused.
„Oh, they are probably still there then. We left through the garage and I took the new car.", Jimin explained. „I saw some people out front but that's nothing new. I didn‘t think it was related to me."
„I will call the complex manager. I want to know how someone was able to take this photo right in front of the building.", Sejin said, biting on his nails. „If there is a security lack, we have to know about it."
Jungkook nodded: „It does seem really strange. Maybe it was someone who lived there."
„I hope not.", Taehyung laughed stunned.
„Anyways, I will check that. And you...", he pointed his finger at Jimin, „...you will do as I said, understood?"
„Sure.", Jimin said with a sigh.
He felt powerless in this very moment. There wasn't anything that he could do. He was just hoping that I wouldn't be effected through any of that.
-
I wanted to tell Chanmi about last night. But I decided that it was probably best to keep it to myself. Jimin and I never discussed any details. He never said something like I have to keep everything a secret. I didn't want to cause im any trouble though.
„How is Kyungmin doing?", Chanmi asked when I was at work. I was tired as hell and even coffee couldn't fix that anymore. Staying up late did leave its marks.
„I guess he's fine.", I said. I squinted at her, wondering what she was out and about.
„That's good.", she simply said.
After a short pause I said: „I'm sorry by the way."
„Sorry for what?", Chanmi asked.
„Sorry that it didn't work out with him. He told me that you weren't gonna see each other again."
„Oh don't be sorry. I'm fine. I don't want to be anyones second choice.", Chanmi smiled. And she actually seemed fine about it.
I sighed: „I thought you two would make a really great couple."
Chanmi blinked at me. „You think so?"
I nodded. „But what do you mean second choice?", I asked after stumbling across this sentence in my head.
„He already likes someone.", Chamni said with no emotion, while staring at her computer.
„He what?". I gasped. „How come he told you that, but didn't tell me anything about it?"
Chanmi shrugged her shoulders, although she knew exactly why.
„Do you know who he likes?", I wanted to know. Kyungmin had never mentioned anyone. He never mentioned a girl for as long as I knew him.
„Maybe.", Chanmi said.
But Chanmi wouldn't tell me anything else. I was left in the dark. I was thinking about asking Kyungmin myself. But somehow I thought he would've told me if he wanted me to know. I tried not to think about it too much. It was weird that there were things between us that he didn't tell me. I thought we always told each other everything.
„But enough about me. How are things with Hansol?", she wiggled her eyebrows.
There was the question that I so didn't want to hear. I hated lying.
„Uhm, we kind of ended it.", I said - which wasn't a lie.
„What? Why?", Chanmi asked with a shocked look on her pretty face.
„He was just so different in real life compared to when we talked on the phone.", I said - which also wasn't a lie.
„Hm, that's so sad.", she replied. I didn't want her to feel bad for me.
„Oh, I'm fine. Really.", I said while nodding, trying to be convincing.
The day of Kyungmin's and Chanmi's date
„Are you sure Soo Young will be fine?", Kyungmin asked.
„Don't be so worried about her.", Chanmi said while blinking at Kyungmin. „They need their alone time."
„I'm not so sure about that.", Kyungmin hestitantly said and turned around to find me.
But Chanmi pulled him along, further away from me and Hansol.
„Do you want to go eat something?", Chanmi asked.
Kyungmin nervously ran his fingers through his hair.
„You don't seem too comfortable.", Chanmi then noticed.
„I really don't want to lead you on.", Kyungmin said.
Chanmi nodded.
„I agreed to this blind date for Soo Young. But I'm not really up for more, if you know what I mean."
„Oh.", Chanmi said with some disappointment in her voice. „I get it though.", she added.
„Really?", Kyungmin asked.
„You like Soo Young.", she stated.
„Huh?", Kyungmin gasped.
Chanmi giggled. „You are way too obvious. I can't believe Soo Young didn't catch on until now. The way you look at her. I saw you staring at her during the entire movie and it didn't look like you liked that she was with someone else."
Kyungmin was out of words. He sighed.
„Did you ever tell her about your feelings?", Chanmi asked.
„No. Of course not.", Kyungmin said.
„Why not?"
„I don't want to ruin our friendship.", he replied.
„Really? That lame friendship excuse...Then what are you gonna do? Just watch her date other guys for the rest of your life?"
„What else can I do?", he shrugged his shoulders.
„Tell her!"
„She's not into me.", Kyungmin said and looked to the ground.
„Are you crazy? Of course she is into you. Have you looked at yourself?"
„Soo Young doesn't care about looks.", he chuckled. He could have had any girl he liked because of his looks. But it didn't seem to help him with me.
„Everybody cares about looks.", Chanmi shook her head. „Wasn't she jealous when I went out with you?"
„It didn't really seem like it, did it?!"
„No...", Chanmi said softly. „I think you should try to get a girlfriend and make her jealous."
„But she wasn't even jealous when I met you, why would she be jealous if I had a girlfriend?"
„Boys.", Chanmi said and frowned. „Get a girl she strongly disapproves of. Not someone like me. I'm cute, pretty, everybody likes me."
„Not to mention conceited.", Kyungmin added.
„Nothing wrong with that.", Chanmi said. „Anyways, get a bad girl to provoke her protective side."
„Hm.", Kyungmin said while thinking about what Chanmi had said. Maybe it was worth a shot. „So no hard feelings?", he wanted to make sure.
„No hard feelings.", Chanmi smiled at him.
-
„Jimin, we have to leave.", Sejin said while staring at his wrist watch.
„I'm coming, I'm coming.", Jimin said. He threw some last things into his suitcase and ran outside his room.
The boys were going to be in a variety show called ‚Baek on wheels‘, where a celebrity cook had idols as his assistants. The show‘s request came on short notice that was the reason why Sejin had called for an emergency meeting the night before.
Taehyung, Jungkook and Jimin sat in the black van that would take them all the way to Busan to shoot the show.
While packing his things in a hurry and leaving, he forgot about me. He forgot there was someone thinking of him the entire time working. But that was okay. He had other priorities.
They were halfway to Busan when Jimin realized he had never told me that he would leave. In fact he didn‘t even know until a few hours ago.
„Can I call Soo Young?“, Jimin asked Sejin.
Sejin glared at him through the car‘s mirror.
Jimin knew that was a no. He sighed and threw himself into the car seat.
„I‘m sorry Jimin. But we can‘t risk her being with some reporter right now.“, Sejin said.
„What the hell?“, Jimin raged.
„Hey, calm down.“, Taehyung said.
„She isn‘t like that. If you would‘ve listened to what I said, you‘d know.“, Jimin said.
„I know you want to believe her, but we don‘t know for sure.“
„That‘s ridiculous. If I don‘t call her or text her, she will think I totally played her.“
„I think she will understand that you are busy.“, Sejin stated.
„I told her I am free because we are on a break. She will just think I‘m not interested.“
„Maybe it won‘t be too bad.“, Jungkook said.
Jimin looked at him in disbelief. How could Jungkook say such a thing?!
But Jungkook gave him a look saying ‚just shut up now, Sejin will never let you call her, we handle that later‘. And with that Jimin got quiet. He knew Jungkook was probably right.
-
I was staring at my phone while working. But there was no message. NONE.
I never slept at a guys place before. I didn‘t know the rules. Was I supposed to text him? Maybe it was stupid to be upset about something to trivial like who texted who. But I think every girl can relate right now.
It seemed as if I had been correct. I felt confirmed that there wouldn‘t be a next time. He had asked me to give him a chance but he was already ignoring me.
Okay, maybe I was exaggerating. It has only been a few hours since he had dropped me off at work. Maybe he went back to bed. I wouldn‘t blame him if he did. I was tired as hell and so must he.
I decided to not think about it for the rest of the day. I put my phone inside a drawer and kept it there until my shift was over.
I really tried to not be disappointed but it was really hard. Even though I had prepared myself for this moment, there had been a tiny spark of hope that he actually liked me too.
I went home, walking like some zombie. I haven‘t felt this miserable in a really really long time. Living in the real world sucked.
„There you are.“, Kyungmin said. He leaned against the door to our apartment building.
I looked up but didn‘t say a word. I had even forgotten that Chanmi had told me Kyungmin liked someone. Everything seemed irrelevant in this very moment.
I passed by Kyungmin and wanted to go to the elevator.
Kyungmin followed me in an instant.
„Where were you last night.“
„Asleep.“, I said. I wasn‘t in the mood for Kyungmin interrogation.
„Where?“, Kyungmin asked. What a weird question to ask. He knew something...
„In a bed.“, I said.
„Not in your bed.“, he said.
I closed my eyes. I was tired and my head hurt. Could he please just stop talking?!
„So where were you?“, Kyungmin pushed.
„I was at his place, alright?!“, I spat. Why did I have to tell him?
„Are you crazy? You went to some strangers place?“, Kyungmin asked in shock. He knew ‚his place‘ referred to Jimin‘s place. Just he didn‘t know who Jimin was. And I weren‘t gonna tell him any time soon.
„I can go wherever I want.“, I said. This conversation was nonsense. I didn‘t know why Kyungmin got so upset over this. Because I didn‘t know that the girl Kyungmin liked was me.
„This isn‘t like you.“, Kyungmin argued.
I hated arguments in elevators. Not that I ever had one before...
„It doesn‘t matter anyway. He already ignores me.“, I yelled at him. All of my anger and disappointment came out at once. And it hit Kyungmin. I wasn‘t exactly mad at him. I was mad at Jimin for not texting all day. Though Kyungmin and his stupid questions didn‘t make it any better.
„That prick.“, Kyungmin said. „So he just slept with you and now he ignores you?“
„What?“, I gasped. „No!“, I added. „I didn‘t sleep with him.“
„You didn‘t?“, Kyungmin seemed relieved.
„But that‘s not the point?!“, I said. He was crazy. Really a crazy person. I didn‘t care if I had slept with him or not or whatever. Maybe it would‘ve been better to sleep with him after all. At least then I had a good story to tell. Losing my first time to an idol...didn‘t sound so bad. At least then I would know how it felt to be close to him, so have his lips on mine....I was doing it again....day dreaming a beautiful scene with Jimin - WHO HASN‘T TEXTED ALL DAY!!!
„Then what is?“, Kyungmin asked in confusion.
„Just leave me alone.“, I said. I didn‘t want to talk to him anymore. I wanted to be alone with my misery. I wanted my bed, coffee and my laptop full of dramas to watch to distract me and to pity myself.
„Soo Young.“, Kyungmin said disappointed. We had reached my apartment by then.
„Please. Just leave me alone for now.“, I said.
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