"Soo Young.", Jimin repeated my name.
I had eventually told him about me, yet I still felt a little uneasy. My heart told me to go all in, to tell him everything and at the same time soak up as much of him as possible. I had to bathe myself in the attention he gave me. I didn't know how long it would last until he lost his interest in me.
Though my brain and my gut feeling told me to stay careful. After all he could be anyone.
"What are you mumbling?", Taehyung asked. He lounged on the couch with his phone in his hands since a few hours.
"That's her name.", Jimin explained.
Taehyung sat up on the couch to look at his friend. "You are still talking to her?"
Jimin nodded without facing him. He was starring at the computer screen carefully observing all my messages.
"How old is she then?", he wanted to know from Jimin.
"She said she's 25.", he answered.
"That sounds about right. Does she write like a 25 year-old?", Taehyung came over to Jimin and his computer to read the messages for himself.
"I guess she does.", Jimin said.
"Yes, she doesn't sound like some ahjumma.", Taehyung confirmed.
A moment of silence rose between them. Then Taehyung sighed and sat down next to Jimin.
"So what did you tell her?", he wanted to know.
Jimin faced the ground. He hated lies. But he hated even more that he had to lie to me.
"I kind of told her I was Hansol.", he admitted.
Taehyung had to hold his laughter. He knew Jimin would screw everything up.
"Why'd you do that?", he asked and a little giggle escaped from his lips.
Jimin shrugged his shoulders: "I couldn't tell her it was me?!"
"I get it, I get it.", Taehyung said. And he really did understand.
"What are you getting?", Jungkook asked while coming out from the bathroom, his hair still wet.
"Jimin told that online chick he was Hansol."
"Why'd you do that?", Jungkook asked the exact same question as Taehyung.
Jimin rolled his eyes. "Don't refer to her as 'online chick'", he said and seemed upset.
"Sorry. Soo Young.", Taehyung stated.
"That's her name?", Jungkook asked.
Jimin nodded.
Now all three of them were looking at the chat window in the Tazza fan cafe.
"What's your plan?", Jungkook wanted to know. "I mean now that you told her you were Hansol you can basically never tell her who you really are."
"Why not?", Jimin asked immediately, there was a slight hint of panic in his eyes.
"Dude, everyone knows girls don't like lies. You cannot start off a relationship with a lie. Basically every movie taught us that.", Taehyung said.
"He's right.", Jungkook added.
"Oh, so now you are relationship experts.", Jimin retorted. "Maybe you two should be in a relationship first before you judge others."
"Chill.", Taehyung tried to calm him down. "We're just saying that you complicated things."
"So what should I've done instead? Tell her 'Hey, I'm Jimin, you know that guy from BTS'?"
"Could've been an option.", Taehyung shrugged his shoulders.
He earned a slap from Jimin for that. "Seriously guys there is just no way telling her who I really am. I don't even know where we stand, we just started to get to know each other. What if she runs to the press and tells them about me."
Jungkook seemed deeply in thought. He starred into the distance, his hand resting on his chin.
"Why Hansol though? You could've come up with just any random name. Why choose someone you actually know?", Jungkook wanted to know after a short while.
"I was panicking.", Jimin admitted. "She suddenly asked me to tell her about me, so I basically chose the first thing that popped into your mind."
"I don't even want to know why Hansol came into your mind first.", Taehyung laughed.
"It's not that funny.", Jimin said.
"What's your plan now?", Jungkook asked.
"I don't know."
"You don't know what she looks like?", Jungkook asked another question.
"Right, I don't.", Jimin replied.
Jungkook left the scene without any more words. He didn't know what to tell Jimin. He had never experienced a situation like that.
"What should I do?", Jimin asked Taehyung.
"Ask her for her picture.", Taehyung said.
"I think that's too early."
"I wouldn't waste a minute talking to her, if I didn't even know what she looked like."
"That's not important to me at all."
"Are you sure?", Taehyung asked.
"You know, I was interested in her since a couple of years. But I never had the time nor the courage to message her. I don't know what changed that I actually did it this time. It's just..."
"You sound like you're in love.", Taehyung furrowed.
"I think I am.", Jimin said.
"That's so messed up. You don't even know her. How can you fall for her?"
"I feel like I know her. I feel like I can see her smile and hear her laughter when we are messaging. She just seems so smart and down to earth. I think she is a really lovely girl."
Taehyung shook his head and sighed. It was hard to argue against Jimin. He, at times, was a hopeless romantic.
"But you do imagine what she looks like in your head, right? What if she turns out to look completely different?", he put into consideration.
"How can someone be ugly with a personality like that?", Jimin simply stated and turned away from Taehyung to face the computer.
"Well. Then keep doing what you're doing.", Taehyung said and also left the living room.
-
It was Monday. I hated Mondays more than any other day. But probably most people did.
Before leaving for work I stopped by at Kyungmin's convenient store. This was somewhat my morning ritual.
"Good morning.", he smiled at me. I never got how he could be so freaking awake and happy so early in the morning.
"Morning.", I grumbled. I wanted to go back to bed and sleep for at least another three hours.
"Ready for work?", Kyungmin asked while handing me some hot coffee. Every morning he went down to the café and bought me a cinnamon caramel latte with a triple shot of espresso. This was probably the one thing that saved my morning every day.
"Sure.", I nodded and thankfully took the coffee.
"So are there any news about your online fling?"
"Fling..what kind of nonsense is that?!", I said immediately.
A slight smile reached Kyungmin's eyes. But I wasn't able to read it yet.
Kyungmin shrugged his shoulders: "So you haven't talked to him again?"
"Oh, I have.", I stated while sipping on my sweet delicious coffee. I peered over to the clock. I had to leave in a few minutes.
And then his smile was gone. "You have.", he said. It wasn't a question but more likely a dull statement.
"His name is Hansol.", I said. I didn't really want to talk to Kyungmin about him. However I felt like I had to prove a point. Kyungmin only believed in the real world. But I was sure that you could find love on the internet too. Tinder wasn't famous for nothing. Okay, well, maybe Tinder wasn't the best example for online love. Anyways...
"You told him your name, too?", Kyungmin asked.
"Of course I did.", I said as if it was nothing special. He didn't need to know that I had been hesitating to talk to Hansol.
"Do you have a picture?", he wanted to know.
"No."
"Why not? Isn't it weird to talk to someone who you don't know."
"Not everything is about looks, Kyungmin.", I sighed.
"Why do people always have to say that? If you're really honest, it is about looks."
I shook my head. Yea, I guess it was about looks. But he didn't need to know I was thinking that. I was indeed curious what Hansol looked like but I didn't dare to ask him for a picture. Mostly because I would have to send him a picture of me. And that would probably scare him away. I wasn't exactly ugly, don't get me wrong. But I wasn't a beauty queen either.
I automatically checked myself in the reflection of the window. My hair could use a serious touch up.
"I need to go. Work, you know.", I said with a somewhat disappointed sigh.
"Just a tip, ask him for his picture or even better video chat."
I was standing at the door, thinking about Kyungmin's words for a while. He was right again, wasn't he? I should be asking for a picture. I should be knowing who I was actually talking to. But I was afraid my fantasy of Hansol would be gone as soon as I knew what he looked like. I tried to convince myself that I didn't care about his looks, that his character made him interesting and fun and what not...But in the end would I really think that if he looked unappealing. I hated myself for that thought. I didn't want to be superficial. But I guess I still was.
"I'm here for you, you know that, right?!", Kyungmin smiled. It was a sad smile.
"I know. Thank you.", I said and then left.
It wasn't that I didn't trust Kyungmin. I trusted him a lot. I just felt so stupid to talk to him about guys. He was that splendid image of a perfect son-in-law. My mother had her hopes up we were dating when she once visited me and got to know about his existence. Ever since she kept asking whether we finally started dating or not. But I always had to disappoint her - obviously.
Since I knew Kyungmin - and actually before that - I never had a boyfriend. I didn't even had anyone being interested in me. Except for Alberto, but I didn't really want to count him. Alberto was just Alberto...That's a different story to tell.
Kyungmin must've thought I was a total loser that I could never get any guy while he could basically have every single girl that ever saw him. I'm not even kidding. Once there was a girl, she broke up with her boyfriend to be with Kyungmin. But he rejected her. He hasn't been interested in her from the beginning. In fact I've never seen him with a girl. I guess he was just really picky.
During work I was thinking about Hansol a lot. I wanted to talk to him. I was wondering he was in university right now taking classes. But I couldn't check my phone to see if there were any new messages.
When it was finally lunch break, I couldn't quickly enough leave my desk, run to my locker and check if he had messaged me.
You can probably imagine how disappointed I was when there wasn't even a single notification on my screen. I even double checked by connecting once again to wifi. Nothing though.
I wished I had a cinnamon caramel latte to cheer me up.
Me and a few co workers went out for lunch. I didn't really make any friends at work but I kind of got along with everyone. We went to a small restaurant nearby our office and ordered our food. We didn't have that much time to eat, before we had to be back behind our desks.
"So, Soo Young.", Chanmi asked.
She was about my age, just basically the opposite of me in every way. Her hair was put into nice curls, shining like the sun itself. She always wore the prettiest earrings with matching necklaces, cute tops and skirts with ruffles here and there in pastel colors that emphasized her small figure, her feet carried around stiletto heels that made her really tall and her pink lips always drew the attention to her.
"How is that friend of yours doing?", she wanted to know.
"Who?", I asked back.
She shyly brushed her hair behind her ear and it almost seemed as if she was blushing. "You know that guy friend of yours who sometimes picks you up from work.", she said.
Aha, she was talking about Kyungmin. I didn't know how I felt about that.
"You two aren't dating, right?"
"Yea, we're not.", I replied.
"Great.", she smiled but froze in her movement. "I mean not great for you but..."
"It's alright.", I interrupted her. "What about him?"
"I recently broke up with my boyfriend and well, I was thinking maybe you could arrange a blind date for me?!" I could feel how tense she was. It wasn't easy for her to ask me for a favor.
"A blind date with Kyungmin?", I had to make sure.
She nodded: "That tall model friend of yours."
"He isn't exactly a model yet.", I mentioned.
But Chanmi didn't want to hear about that. "Anyways, would you do that for me? Or is he seeing someone?"
"I guess I can ask?!", I said. I didn't know what drove me to say that. I wasn't jealous. I guess. But that feeling I had was not really a good one, if you know what I mean. I couldn't quite understand why I didn't want her to go on a date with Kyungmin...So I decided to shake that feeling off.
After all Chanmi looked like someone I could picture with Kyungmin. They both were exceptionally beautiful.
"In return can I ask you for a favor.", it popped into my mind.
"Sure, go ahead.", she smiled. She was visibly happy that she might get to go out with Kyungmin.
"Where do you get your hair done?", I wanted to know.
Her face lit up the second I mentioned her hair. "Yes, you so should get your hair permed too."
"I mean I haven't decided anything yet...", I tried to calm her down.
"We should go today after work.", she excitedly blabbered. "I will call them right away and ask if they can make time for us."
"That quick?", I asked. Somehow I was a little scared all of the sudden. I haven't given it much thought. Maybe it was a stupid idea after all.
"I'm a regular customer, you know. And I know the owner.", she smiled. She had that arrogant look but I knew she was actually a sweet girl. Yes, in fact, I really liked her. She was really nice so maybe she was a good match for Kyungmin.
After work Chanmi actually took me to her salon that was located near Sinchon station.
"When was your last treatment?", a hair dresser asked me.
I blinked: "Treatment?"
She exchanged a look with Chanmi, who shrugged her shoulders.
"You see, the hair is what people see first when they look at you.", the hair dresser explained.
I could probably argue against that, though decided to just roll with whatever she said.
"Your hair structure is really nice, you have thick hair and full hair, so you can easily make it look great on a daily basis without a lot of effort."
"Really?", I asked her. I couldn't believe my dull hair could look something like Chanmi's.
And so the hair dresser started her magic on me. You have to imagine this scene like in one of those movies. The mandatory make over after which the main character suddenly looks like a different person and all the guys are looking at her, making her the new queen of high school.
Just that I wasn't in high school anymore.
I got a hair cut, adding layers and texture to my hair, as I was told, a keratin treatment to make my hair extra healthy and shiny and of course the perm similar to Chanmi's hair.
When I was done, I was actually a little in shock. I mean, I didn't look like a whole new person, but that new hair was really beautiful.
"Wow.", Chanmi said.
"Really wow.", I agreed and looked at my hair from every angle. I never had such beautiful hair.
Chanmi and I decided to grab some dinner. I had never met her outside from work. But with her it was as if we were friends since a really long time. She was easy to talk to.
I have to admit when I first met her at work, I was a little scared of her. She reminded me of that high school bullies, the beautiful and wealthy girls, who used to pick on me. It took a while until I learned that she was nothing like them. Even though she was so beautiful, she didn't make me feel bad about myself.
"Why the sudden hair change?", Chanmi asked while taking a soju shot.
I didn't really know what to reply.
"I know you since a few years now and you wore the same hair ever since. Why change it now?"
That was a good question.
"Is there a guy?", she smiled at me.
"How do you know that?", I asked.
She giggled and shrugged her shoulders.
"So tell me about him.", she said.
I hesitated.
"Well you probably think it's stupid.", I started off. "I don't actually know him yet. I met him online."
"Why is that stupid?"
Silence. That surprised me. Chanmi was full of surprises and the proof that you shouldn't be judging a book by its cover.
"Where did you meet him?", she wanted to know.
"In a fan cafe."
"Ah, so does he have a profile picture?"
I shook my head.
"I see.", she said while staring into the distance. "How about you?"
"What about me?"
"Do you have a picture of yourself?"
"No."
"You're only chatting in that cafe as of now?"
"Yes."
I was really curious about her thoughts.
"Do you want to ask him for his number? Or do you want to be asked?"
What was the difference?
"I guess I want to be asked?!", it seemed like the better option.
"Here's what you should do.", Chanmi started and leaned over the table to be closer to me. "Take a selfie and send it to him."
"How is that going to help?" It didn't really make sense to me.
Chanmi sighed. "You don't know anything about guys, huh?!"
I awkwardly smiled at her.
"He's probably careful because he doesn't know what you look like. So he didn't ask you for your number yet. Nobody likes to chat in those cafes. It's kinda uncomfortable."
"So by sending him a picture...", I couldn't finish the sentence on my own.
"...he will see how pretty you are and will want to know your number to talk to you more."
Well that didn't seem like it was going to happen.
"But you do mean I should be sending a picture of myself, right?!"
"Of course?!", Chanmi didn't get what I tried to tell her.
"And you still think he will ask for my number after seeing what I look like?!", I wanted to confirm.
"Girl, stop being so hard on yourself. You are really pretty, don't you see that?"
"No, I don't.", I stated.
Chanmi shook her head. She filled my glass with soju and so did I fill hers. We took another shot.
"Okay, listen.", she said. "There might be prettier girls than you out there. But let's face it, there are even prettier girls than me.", she said.
I didn't know yet how that was supposed to make me feel better.
"However, confidence is key. Be confident about yourself because there is only one you. Make the best out of it. When you love yourself, others will love you too."
Okay...but did that really work? I wasn't too sure about it.
"Just embrace your beauty, will you? Take care of your skin, I mean look at your skin, it's flawless, just maybe a little too dry.", she said while observing my face. "Now you have that amazing hair and with your body you don't even have to worry about what you wear, you can pretty much pull off anything."
"You really think so?" I was a little startled that someone as perfect as Chanmi could see me in such a positive way. Maybe she was right. Maybe, if she was able to embrace myself, I was too. I should be.
So I did what Chanmi had told me.
Probably because of the soju that I had. There was just no way I would've done something like that while being sober.
I took a selfie. Or maybe fifty until one was somewhat presentable. My hair really did make a difference. I decided to take Chanmi's advice. I would make the best out of it.
There was a strange sort of inspiration, motivation and happiness that captured my body that night.
I opened that chat, chose the picture and pressed send.
-
Jimin's phone lit up, as he got a notification.
He opened our chatroom and his eyes widened as he saw what I had sent him.
"Oh my god.", he gasped.
"What?", Taehyung asked who lounged on the couch next to Jimin.
Jimin couldn't say another word. He showed Taehyung his phone screen.
Taehyung immediately jumped up from his comfortable spot.
"That's her?", he asked while having his eyes as huge as Jimin.
Jimin nodded, still speechless.
