Dienstag, 16. März 2021

i-Love - My Online Crush - Chapter 11

 „Kyungmin? Is that you?", Chanmi went.

She was also dressed as a vampire. Because most people dressed as vampires on Halloween. 

„What are you doing here? Is Soo Young here too?", she asked.

„She probably left with that Jimin guy.", Kyungmin sighed. 

He sat on the side of the road with a bottle of soju. 

„Huh?", Chanmi went.

„It's a long story.", Kyungmin said.

„I got time.", she said and sat down next to him. She told her group to go on without her. 

„You remember Hansol, right?", Kyungmin started off.

„Yea, Soo Young said they were over."

„Hansol and her were over. Because Hansol wasn't who he said he was."

„You are confusing me.", Chanmi said. 

„Hansol was only a step in for Jimin."

„Who is Jimin?", she wanted to know.

„That guy from BTS.", Kyungmin said. He himself couldn't believe it. But he had to since he'd seen it with his own pair of eyes. He'd seen how that slender figure had made his way through to Soo Young and how she was hypnotized by him right away. He had watched her hugging him without hesitation. They seemed close. Too close for Kyungmin's taste. 

„For real?", Chanmi went.

Kyungmin nodded and drank more soju. 

„But...", Chanmi was out of words.

„I don't get it either.", Kyungmin said, shaking his head.

„Didn't you tell her you liked her?", Chanmi asked.

„I tried."

„What does that mean?"

„We kissed..."

„You kissed?", she gasped. „When? How?"

„It just somehow happened. We kissed, she kissed me back. I thought that would be the start of something. But we never talked about it after.", he sighed.

„And why not?"

Kyungmin shrugged his shoulders: „She was really drunk that night. She wanted to forget about Jimin. My timing wasn't right. I shouldn't have kissed her then. I should've waited for a good moment. But I couldn't stand seeing her so miserable. I couldn't stand watching her being sad over some dude who broke her heart."

„But she is with him now?", Chanmi asked. She seemed to be missing some details in between.

„Don't even ask me how that happened. Soo Young was fine, things had ended and she was returning back to normal. I thought soon I'd have my chance to tell her. That was until he showed up tonight out of nowhere."

„Wow...What did you do then?"

„I punched him.", Kyungmin said and looked at his hand that hurt quite a bit.

„You didn't.", Chanmi laughed.

„It isn't funny. I completely lost it when I saw them together. She was so mad at him and he treated her so bad and then they were about to kiss."

„Ouch.", Chanmi made a face.

„Now I completely scared her away."

„I don't think you did."

„I saw them leaving together to god knows where. Whatever he told her, she probably believes it. She is naive."

Chanmi didn't know what to say. 

„What am I supposed to do?", he asked her.

„I don't really know too.", she said.

„I don't want to wait and fix her broken heart. I was the one always being there for her. I worked in the morning and at night just to be there for her when she needed anything."

„You worked only to see her? You are a hopeless romantic."

Kyungmin nodded: „I can only hope that they won't last. But doesn't that make me a bad friend? I should want her to be happy."

„But you want her to be happy. Just not with him."

„Who am I to decide who is best for her though?", he went.

„This situation...", Chanmi went.

„Sucks.", Kyungmin finished her sentence.

„Yea, it sucks.", she agreed.

Both nodded, accepting the misery of the moment.


Jimin and I went back to his apartment. A place where I had been before and that made me feel awkwardly cheap.

We had to be extra careful. We couldn't risk another picture being taken. So I was hiding on the backseat, while he was driving into the garage. It looked as stupid as it sounds. And I didn't feel good doing it.

I knew it would be hard to be with him. We would always have to be careful wherever we went. But I didn't want to think of the hardships that may come with this relationship. If it even would be a relationship. Can you even imagine me dating Jimin? I sure can't.

„What do you want to do?", he asked me when we reached his apartment. „You should probably change into something more comfortable and get rid of the fake blood.", he added., pointing on my outfit.

I was wearing a pair of shorts and a crop top, revealing a lot of my skin. Only now I noticed the way I was dressed.

„Don't you like my outfit?", I wanted to tease him.

Jimin stepped closer and ran his hands over my bare arms. „I guess I like it a bit too much.", he said and bit his lower lip. 

„It would be a waste then to change into something else.", I said. I didn't know where this confident and playful side of me suddenly came from. It was just the feeling he gave me. 

„I couldn't agree more. I could look at you all night." He stood there in his blue prince attire made out of velvet. It looked really expensive. But on him everything looked worth a million dollars. Even sweat pants. And yea, I actually knew that.

„Oh, you're just gonna look?", I grinned.

A smirk went onto Jimin's perfect lips. 

„What do you have in mind then?", he asked and looked at me. 

„I could think of one or two things.", I said and backed off a little. But he didn't let me. He followed me not letting any space between us. I wanted him to chase me.

„Then let me show you what I had in mind since I first saw you.", he said with a husky voice. 

My back hit the wall and I was caught between it and Jimin's slender body. My heart was exploding, I was sure he could hear it.

His black eyes gazed into mine. He cupped my face and ran his thumb over my lips. 

It was going to happen. I knew it. 

„Show me then.", I whispered back.

„Are you sure?", he asked. And I loved him for it. I loved how he was teasing me, nearing his lips but stopping right before he would actually kiss me.

I focused on him and tried to breathe normally. 

„Don't tell me I didn't warn you.", he then said and with that, his lips crashed onto mine. It was a hungry kiss. Like he had been waiting for it to happen. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. The taste of him was amazing. I was sure that was what angels tasted like. He tasted pure, like heaven.

I reached out for his face and he suddenly flinched. I looked at him, my lips already reddened from his kisses. His bruise must've hurt.

„Maybe we shouldn't then.", I said quietly.

He chuckled. „I can bare a little pain if it means I get to kiss the most beautiful girl alive."

„What about the dead then?", I asked as a joke.

„Alive and dead.", he said and kissed me once more. 

It wasn't my first kiss. But it was my first kiss with Jimin. And it was the best kiss I had ever received. Like I had kissed a bunch of people before to compare... But I somehow regretted the kiss with Kyungmin. It would've been something so special. giving Jimin my first kiss. I wanted to give him my first everything.

I quickly wanted more. I suddenly felt like he was too far away, even though our bodys were pressed against each other.

„Soo Young.", Jimin breathed. He brought some air between us. „Should we eat something?"

„Really?", I went. Mood killer much.

„Aren't you hungry?", he asked me.

My belly grumbled. He must've heard it while we were kissing. Stupid stomach ruining my moment.

„But I...", I said.

„You should eat something.", he insisted. 

Why would he do this now? Why couldn't he just continue to kiss me?

„Can't you just...have me now?", I asked and blushed at the same time. It was a ridiculous thing to ask.

„Wow...", he went. „Wow, I mean...wow.", he kissed me once more in response and let his hands run over my body, his muscles tensed. I was melting underneath his touch. And I was hungry to touch him too - not hungry for food. It was when I tried to remove his velvet jacket that he stopped me again.

„I can't have you now.", he said, heavily breathing.

„Why not?", I wanted to know.

He chuckled. „Because there is nothing worse than an empty stomach."

I looked somewhat disappointed.

„Don't get me wrong, you are driving me crazy right now. It's hard to hold back. But I don't want you to rush things."

„It's not rushing.", I complained.

„I'm yours now, Soo Young. I won't go anywhere anymore. I will stay by your side until you get annoyed of me."

„Don't say something like that.", I protested. „How could I get annoyed of you?"

He smiled at me and took my hands into his. His perfect and soft hands. I've never seen such delicate hands on a man. But then again, he was an angel after all.

„Let's get you something to eat. I don't want you to collapse because you don't eat well. Not on my watch", he changed the topic.

He was probably right. But I was scared to lose him again. And to have lost my chance to be with him. I didn't know why everything felt so right with him. It was scary in a way. It made me act in ways that I didn't know from myself. It was like my mind didn't function, my body tried to take over control. And my body wanted him really bad.

„Can I have one more kiss before we eat?", I asked him.

„You can have as many kisses as you want.", he replied in a sweet tone.

I closed my eyes and waited for him to place the most soft kiss onto my lips.


We stayed up late, watching horror movies, cuddling and exchanging some more kisses. But none of them as hungrily as before. I was holding back and so was he. For whatever reason it was good to hold back. I didn't get the point of holding back when there were two people obviously wanting the same thing. But I guess that's how it was done. And so I stuck with it. 

I later found myself in his bed. I lay in Jimin's bed. Who would've believed something like this would happen?

The darkness surrounded us and I could barely see him. But knowing he was there, made me feel save.

„I want to do so many things with you.", he said.

„Like what?", I asked.

„I want to go travel. Have great food together, explore new places. You can come to the studio with me and maybe you can even come on tour with us one day. I want to spend every day with you."

„Really?"

He stroke over my hair, caressing me.

I wasn't sure if what he had planned out in his mind would be possible.

His manager didn't seem to like me very much. Or more likely didn't seem to like the fact that Jimin had a girlfriend. I didn't know he had a contract that forbid him to date or not. And I didn't want to ask. I felt like he would tell me if it was necessary. For sure I wouldn't be the reason for him to lose his company. I could never take this away from him. I knew his career would always come first. And I was second.

A feeling of sadness overcame me. Laying in bed with him seemed like something that could be difficult in the future. I always had to sneak in and sneak out of the building. I wasn't some celebrity girlfriend to show off. I was just me. We probably couldn't have an open relationship. I wouldn't be good enough for him. And I was sure people would tell me over and over again until it would break me. 

I was unbelievable enough that someone like him actually liked me and wanted to be with me. 

But I knew too that it wasn't completely up to him. 

I knew that eventually I had to leave his side for his own good. I had to enjoy it while it lasted. I decided that I would put him first. I couldn't be selfish. Not with him. He didn't deserve to be dragged down from someone like me.

„You are so amazing.", I whispered sadly and ran my fingers through his soft hair. 

I wanted to remember this night forever. My first night with Jimin.

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