I kissed my brother - Chapter 4

 

„Sydney", Daichi said on top of the stairs.
I flinched: „God you scared me."
„Sorry", he said and scratched his head.
„I thought you left", I said and went up to where he was standing.
„I want to show you something", he went and started walking down the hallway that lead to a large balcony on the back of the house as well as the guest room that was located on the left side. He slipped inside the guest room and waited at the door for me to follow. I wasn't quite sure why he would take me there. I've seen the guest room before. It was a nice room, somewhat looking like a hotel room. There was a large bed with fluffy cushions on it, a huge mirror behind it covering the wall and making the rather small room look awfully spacious.
I saw Daichi in the reflection of the mirror. I was so focused on him that I only noticed the ladder that was let down from the ceiling when he pointed at it.
„What is this?", I asked. It was a dumb question. It was obviously a ladder leading to the attic of this house. A place I hadn't yet seen.
„I was exploring the house a little before our parents would be here. And I found this place."
With a hand gesture he told me to climb up the ladder. And so I did.
The attic was bigger than I expected and there was so much stuff here. There were book shelves filled with books, some boxes and old furniture crumbled up in one corner. It was dusty up here like the place hasn't been used in quite a while.
„What is all this?", I asked and carefully looked around.
„Looks like the old owners didn't take everything with them when they left", Daichi said. He seemed excited about his discovery.
„There are even old photo albums", he said and took a dusty brown album out of one of the boxes. He sat down on the floor and so I joined him, driven by curiosity.
The album was full of black and white pictures. People I've never seen, smiling into the camera. It was like holding a piece of history in our hands.
„Do you know who lived here before?", I asked him. I suddenly realized how close I was - our shoulders touching and his gaze made me forget what I had even asked. I was confused by how strong my feelings were. I've never been so overwhelmed by unknown emotions. I couldn't even describe what this feeling was, but something inside of me reacted to his presence. It did whenever he was around. The feeling had started when I saw him outside the house earlier with his friends. I forgot it was there once I got distracted with thinking of being alone in the house. But right now that feeling was back stronger than before. It was harder to endure the closer I was to him. But at the same time that feeling was already something I was addicted to. It made me feel alive in a weird and twisted way. If I were to draw a picture, it would be me on a warm summer day, covered in flowers and sunrays kissing my skin.
The clap of thunder made me flinch.
„Did you even hear what I said?", Daichi asked.
„Huh? What?", I went. Gosh, this was embarrassing.
He smiled at me, his beautiful face smiled at me and made the warm feeling inside of my body spread even further.
„I said that the house was empty after the previous owners got murdered here"
Slowly his words reached my mind and my eyes widened as I understood what he just said.
„WHAT?", I yelled and jumped up from the floor where we had been sitting.
Daichi started laughing.
„I was kidding", he said. "The house was just empty for a long time."
„So nobody died in here?", I wanted him to confirm. My heart was racing.
„I don't know that, I just know nobody got murdered."
„Don't pull jokes on me like that", I said.
Daichi got up from the floor grinning and went over to what seemed like a pile of blankets.
„Check this out", he said and waved me over.
He sat down on the blankets and leaned back, looking up to the ceiling. I followed his eyes and saw there was a window. Daichi crossed his arms behind his head, laying there in the dull light that came from a single bulb in the middle of the attic.
I went over next to him and copied his pose.
„Can I turn off the lights?", he asked.
„What?"
„Because you'll be able to see the stars much better", he went.
Without waiting for my reply he went over to the bulb. He looked at me again, seemingly checking if I was okay with him turning the light off and when I didn't stop him from it, the room was covered in darkness as he flipped the switch.

It was so dark inside now that it seemed to be brighter outside. I didn't even realize it had gotten so late. I wondered why my Mum hasn't even called me yet.
I took my phone out of my pocket to check.
„What's wrong?", Daichi asked.
„I'm just checking if my Mum called me." I forgot I put my phone on flight mode because I didn't want any disturbance.
As soon as I turned off the flight mode, a bunch of calls popped up on the screen.
„Were you fighting?", Daichi asked. He lay next to me on the blankets, starring into the night sky. There was too much rain to actually see the stars but it was nice anyways. I felt comfortable here.
„I'm just gonna call her real quick", I said and sat up.
„Sydney! Where are you? I tried to call you a million times...", my Mum yelled into the phone.
„I know I know. Mum, calm down. I'm fine. I'm at the house."
„The house?"
„The new house. Our new house", I said.
It was silent for a moment.
„Is he there too?", she asked.
Of course she would ask that. Of course I knew who she was talking about.
I looked to the side to meet Daichi's eyes that sparkled at me. I hesitated to answer. I was used to occasionally fight with my Mum. Usually it was about my grades, about school or something like that. We've never once fought because of ... a boy?
„No, he isn't here", I said with a sigh. „Nobody is here."
I held eye contact with Daichi and looked for something in his expression that would tell me what he thought. But there was nothing.
„What about school tomorrow, Sydney?", my Mum then continued. I wasn't sure she actually believed I was alone in this house. After all she knew about my situation... she had caused it so of course she knew I couldn't be alone. Though she had decided not to ask further questions and I was thankful for that.
„Just don't worry about that, okay?"
Our conversation ended and I felt releived that our fight seemed to have ended. We were both still mad at each other but we both had decided to just let it go - or so I hoped. I hoped me staying at the house wouldn't have any consequences. And I hoped my Mum would not mention Daichi anymore. I didn't want to think for a second that her concern about him was valid.
I took a deep breath and put my phone away. The room went back to black, the rain still pouring outside.
„Why did you lie?", I heard Daichi ask.
„Because I didn't want to make the situation any worse", I said in all honesty.
„Your Mum doesn't like me staying with you very much. It must be a shock to her that I don't go to Uni just yet."
„About that...", I went. I wasn't gonna bring up this topic but as he mentioned it...
Daichi made a face and sighed.
„It's basically what Kami had said. My Dad wants me to be a doctor and I don't."
„You actually got into a medical programm?", I asked. I was impressed because it meant he had to be smart. I caught myself judging him based on his looks again.
„I did and then I realized it's not what I want to do", he replied. He tugged his arms behind his head again and enjoyed the view. The rain had stopped and the sky slowly started to clear up, revealing the beautiful night sky in front of us.
„Then what do you want to do?", I asked quietly.
I heard how Daichi's head turned to look at me. I kept staring into the night although it was awfully hard to do so when knowing he was waiting for me to look back at him.
„I want to be a teacher I think."
I nodded. I was trying to picture him as a teacher and had to think about how whipped Ellen has been when Daichi had appeared as a teacher at our school.
„What about you?", he asked me.
That's when my head eventually turned and met his eyes again. It was determined that I would go after my Mum and become a lawyer. That was out of question. Nobody has ever asked about my opinion. It was set and that was pretty much final. He must know what that felt like.
„Can we not talk about that?", I asked instead of answering his question.
„Sure", he quickly said. „We should keep this place a secret from our parents."
„Don't you think they will find this eventually?", I rose my eyebrows.
Daichi shrugged his shoulders. „It would be great if they didn't", he added.
I nodded. It would be really nice to have this place for ourselves. Like a secret hideout. I liked the idea of this being our secret, although the excitement made me worry a little.

My alarm was ripping me out of my sleep. I must've fallen asleep last night. My back was aching from sleeping on the rather hard wooden floor with just a few blankets in between.
„Oh god, I have to get to school", I said. I didn't bring my uniform and it took me longer to get to school by bus from our new house - there was no time left.
Before I could get up, Daichi grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down. He was laying down, facing my direction and smiled at me.
„Why are you making such noise in the morning?", he went.
„Because I have to get to school", I said.
„I can take you. That way you'll make it in time."
„Are you sure?", I asked him.
Daichi nodded.
„We need to leave now though", I remarked.
So Daichi let go of my wrist and got up, offering me a hand to help. But I ignored it and got up myself.

A little while later I was in Daichi's car. The car he had taken the day I walked over that red street light. It didn't feel real that this had been our first encounter. And it's only been a few days since then.
„So how do you feel about us?", Daichi asked after a while of silence in the car. Just the radio was playing quietly in the background.
„What do you mean?", I asked back.
„I mean about us being...", he hesitated.
„Siblings?", I finished what I thought his sentence might be.
„Mhm", he went. He kept his eyes on the street and I took this chance to observe his side profile.
„I guess it's not that bad", I eventually said.
„What exactly?"
Even though he didn't look at me I shyly turned my head to face the window.
„Having you around", I said in all honesty. I saw his smile in the windows reflection.
„I didn't think you would say that", he replied.
Yea, I didn't think so either.
„I was a bit taken aback when my Mum suddenly introduced your Dad and well, you...At first I hated the thought of you taking away from me what's mine."
„What's that?"
„My Mum", I said quietly. „I have only her and whenever a man comes into her life everything gets so difficult. But this time it seems different", I sighed.
„You think so?"
„I am trying to see it rather as something I gained. Your Dad seems okay too - not like the type of guy who is toying around with women", I said.
Daichi nodded: „Yea he isn't really the womanizer type of guy."
„Unlike you that is?", I asked him bluntly.
I saw an amused smile playing in the corner of his mouth.
„As a rather good looking guy it is quite hard not to be a womanizer, you see."
„You're joking, right?", I asked him.
„You are quick to judge", he said.
„I am", I replied coldly. I knew I was.
The mood between us suddenly tensed. I didn't like it. I wanted it to go back to the comfortable feeling I had with him.
„At least you know.", he said.
I kept quiet after that. Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe I had taken things too personal. But he could've at least cleared up if it was a joke or not. I didn't want my brother to be the sort of guy that I despised.
„You can let me out here", I said when we arrived the street near my school. "I'll walk the rest."
„Are you sure?"
„Your Dad might be there and I don't want him to see us because then my Mum will freak out again." On that note I knew how weird it was that his Das wasn't supposed to see us together. It didn't add up that we had to be a secret.
Daichi nodded while pulling over to let me get out of the car.
„Thanks for the ride", I said.
„Are you mad at me?", he asked.
I was. But I knew it was childish of me to judge him and furthermore get mad without even knowing him or his past.
„I really wish you would see me for the guy I am. Based on how I am treating you and not how I may have behaved in the past", he said.
I looked at him for a while without saying anything. I did not understand the meaning behind his words just yet.
I left without another word. I had to be quick to get to the gym to change into my sports wear since I didn't have my uniform. And I had to make sure no teacher saw me because it wasn't allowed to enter school grounds in regular clothing.

„What are you wearing?", Ellen asked me. „Don't even get me started...", I said when I took my books from my locker next to hers.
She looked at me, waiting for an explanation.
„Okay, here it goes...", I said. „...Your new homeroom teacher - that is my Mums new boyfriend. And the Mr. Ohira that you saw on Monday, that is his son."
„What?", Ellen basically yelled into the hallway.
„I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier, I just got kinda overwhelmed by everything happening..."
„I need more details",  Ellen demanded.
„My Mum has a new boyfriend with whom she apparently went on that Hawaii trip. They got their flight delayed and so instead of him, his son Daichi took his place as a teacher here on Monday. By now his Dad must've found out, but I don't know anything about that."
„Daichi?"
„Daichi Ohira - the guy from Monday."
Ellen's eyes sparkled.
„That means you know him?"
I sighed.
„Ellen, this isn't about him. Could I maybe finish my story here before the bell rings?"
Ellen then quickly nodded and made a serious face.
„So, as I was saying, the actual Mr. Ohira that you know since yesterday is my Mum's boyfriend that she introduced to me on Monday."
„Why am I hearing about this only now?", she asked.
Good call.
„I was still processing everything that happened. Him and his son came over for dinner on Monday and they announced that we would move in together into a new house. So we went to see the new house yesterday and me and my Mum were somehow fighting a lot."
„Why were you guys fighting? And wait...you are moving?" „Yea, we are moving this weekend already. But don't worry I won't be switching schools or anything. It's just a little farther away now."
„You are moving in with him?", Ellen asked quietly.
„He is sort of my brother now", I nodded.
„This may be early to ask but would you introduce me to him?"
I sighed yet again. I knew this was going to happen.
„Again it's about some guy?"
„Sorry", Ellen said and stared at the ground. „You still haven't explained your outfit yet."
„That's because you keep interrupting me asking about Daichi."
Ellen quickly looked up as I mentioned his name.
„I went to the house yesterday and stayed there after fighting with my Mum", I dropped on her.
Ellen's eyes went big: „You were there with him?"
I nodded.
„Was his Dad there too?", she wanted to know.
I shook my head. Now that I came to think about it, I was wondering were Eito had been. I thought they already moved up here.
„It was only us", it sounded like there was so much more behind this than it actually was.
We both stayed silent for a while. I wasn't sure what she was thinking.
„Is he nice?", she asked eventually. Somehow the mood had changed.
I nodded only, pretending now to organize the inside of my locker.
Where was that bell when I needed it?

I kissed my brother - Chapter 3

 

I found myself in front of a nice looking house. It was white with pillars in front. The entrance was fancy and I couldn't help but wonder how a teacher was able to afford all this. Even if he was working at a private school now, the pay couldn't be THIS good. After all my Mum was a laywer and we weren't that rich either.
„It's quite far from school, isn't it?", I asked my Mum when I kept glancing around the parking lot in front of the house.
„Eito could take you to school you know", she replied.
„Not gonna happen", I said. I rolled my eyes and turned around as I heard a car approaching. They were here.

Last night had ended without any more happenings. We had just finished our dinner, talked about stuff nobody really cared about and I could tell that Daichi would have to face his angry Dad once they were alone.
Eito climbed out of the car, closing his jacket, smiling at my Mum.
I found myself waiting for Daichi to get out of the car and I had to admit I was somewhat excited when he did. He seemed different than the night before. He didn't look at me one single time eventhough I tried hard to make eye contact with him.
He slightly bowed in front of me and my Mum and then continued to look at the ground. I wondered what has happened that he behaved like this. I noticed Eito and my Mum exchange some glances. Something was definitely going on.

We entered the house. The lobby was nice and spacious. There was a set of white stairs leading up to a gallery.
„Your rooms are up there", my Mum said. „But maybe we should go and take a tour down here first", she added. However I was already on the way to the strairs.
„I'm gonna pick a room first", I said and grinned at her.
Eito quickly hurried to get in front of me and invited me to follow him. There were three doors in total. Two to the left of the corridor opposite from the entrance hall and one at the very end.
Daichi had followed us too. He still kept staring at the ground. It was weird seeing him so quiet. He wasn't his playful self and I didn't like it.
„I can choose whatever room I want?", I asked.
Eito nodded.
And so I walked down the corridor glancing into the two rooms I passed long the way. My Mum was standing on the stairs watching me.
I felt anxious because I didn't like the way everyone acted today. I was like I had missed out on something.
I eventually entered the room that was furthest from the stairs. It was a nice room with large windows and it was already fully furnished with a bed to the left, a desk and some shelfs as well as a built in closet. And there was another door. It was a bathroom.
I stuck my head into the corridor where Eito was talking to my Mum. I tried to make a noise or something to get Daichi's attention.
When he finally looked up at me I waved him over. He checked if our parents were paying attention, though they were busy talking about whatever - it seemed hectic.
Daichi walked over and as soon as he was in reach I pulled him inside the room.
„Are you okay?", I asked him with honest concern in my voice.
He looked down on me: „Sure", he went.
„Well that wasn't convincing", I replied.
Daichi was just standing in the middle of the room like a pretty statue.
„You know I do kinda notice that something is going on right? And I thought you and your Dad were practicing this 'let's talk about everything' thing?!"
A smile went over his lips.
„I mean I am just a nobody to you but I guess I'll be something like your sister from now on so..."
I saw him flinch when I said the word 'sister'... „you can talk to me if you want to."
Daichi sighed and looked around the room.
„You want to take this room?", he asked.
I nodded. „If that's okay with you", I added.
„Sure", he said and looked outside the window.
„Daichi?", I heard Eito yell from the corridor.
Daichi looked at me: „Good thing you didn't close the door or else he would freak."
I really wanted to know why but my Mum followed my Eito were already barging into the room.
„Sydney!", my Mum went.
„What?", I went. What was everyone's deal?
„I think we need to set some rules", my Mum went. Both her and Eito looked at me and Daichi. Daichi sighed. So he knew this would come.
„I don't want you two alone in a room with the door closed", she went.
I blinked at her in confusion. What?
„It wasn't planned that Daichi would be staying with us here in this house but as the situation has changed we need to adress this."
„Are you for real?", I chuckled. I didn't understand what this nonsense was suddenly about.
„I am for real, Sydney. I don't want you being distracted from your studies."
„Stop right there", I said. Hell I was angry.
Everyone looked at me now and I had their full attention.
„For starters, if you don't want me to be distracted from my studies, you should not come home from vacation with a new guy and his son - no offense", I said, the last part into Daichi's and Eito's direction. I saw a fine, amused sparkle inside Daichi's eyes.
I continued: „Furthermore you are moving us to a new place just in the beginning of the school year. This time is, as you know, crucial to get into all AP classes and I don't have time to deal with any of your stupid rules now. You came back with him, you decided we move in with them, without even asking me, without even giving me time to adapt to that idea. You again decided everything on your own and I didn't have a say in this. And I get it, you are the adult, I am the child. But guess what Mum, I am not a child anymore and you don't get to decide who I have in my room and who I don't. For once you don't get to decide because I draw the line right here and right now."
„Sydney...", she gasped.
„Are we clear?", I asked her.
„No!", she yelled. „The rules are as I said."
„Then I don't move in with you", I said and glared at her.
„Don't be ridiculous."
„You are the only one that's being ridiculous", I said and with that I walked out the door.
But my Mum grabbed my arm and held me back: „Okay, Sydney. Wait."
„No weird rules?", I asked her.
She sighed: „Fine."
„I wanna be alone now", I said. I waited for her and Eito to leave and wanted to close the door behind them.
„But,...", my Mum went.
„Mum, I won't get pregnant by closing the door", I said.
I sighed once I was alone with Daichi. He was still standing in front of the window.

„What's with them?", I asked and let myself down on the bed to test it.
„They are worried about you", he said.
I waited for him to explain further.
„My Dad told your Mum about my reputation with girls I guess. And now she is worried you will be heartbroken."
„Oh don't flatter yourself. I'm not even interested", I said.
I started to check the drawers for anything that might be inside, observed the curtains and eventually turned to Daichi: „Let's check out your room now."
„Follow me", he said and went straight into the bathroom. And now I noticed the door on the other side of the bathroom.
„And she was upset about the closed door", I shook my head.
„I'm looking forward to our morning showers together", he said and opened the other door to what appeared to be his room. There was his flirty side again.
„Do you think your Mum will be okay?", he asked.
„I guess not", I laughed.
„But are you okay?", he then asked.
We exchanged a long glance.
„Me?"
He nodded.
It may sound weird but him asking me about my feelings actually meant a lot to me. All those years I feel like nobody had ever really cared about me. My Mum has been busy with work and just obsessed with my grades. She had told me to stop drawing to focus on school even more, to take more extra classes and join more extracurriculars... I had reached a point where I didn't even think about my own feelings anymore. And suddenly here he was - this way too good looking guy, asking me if I was okay.
„But you are real, right?", I said and grabbed his arm to confirm he was not a ghost, leaving him flustered.

„Sydney, can we talk?", my Mum asked when I came down the stairs at our old home with another box.
„No, Mum. Not again", I sighed.
I carried the box to the moving car and went back to my room to get the next one.
„You know the moving company can move your boxes for you?" she said.
„I know but since when are we people who let others do the work for us?", I replied.
My Mum looked at me and she seemed sad. We usually didn't fight a lot but the tension between us had been horrible for the last days - since she returned to introduce Eito to me and had decided to just change everything.
„I know you like his luxury and stuff but I don't like what you are turning into. Also please leave Daichi alone? He didn't do anything wrong and yet you are judging him."
„You are just naive Sydney", she said.
„If you really think that you are more stupid than I thought", I snapped.
„You don't get to talk to me like that young lady", she yelled.
I hated fighting. I hated it so much. It brought back memories from when my Dad left us, from when all the other men left us. I felt like my Mum and me we were doing so good just the two of us but whenever there was a guy around we were just fighting all the time.
„Where are you going now?", she yelled after me as I took off. I didn't want to see her tonight. I slowly realized how worn off I welt, how exhausted and tired I was. But of course I was exhausted from everything that had been going on.
I was supposed to move into the new house already by the weekend. My life felt like out of my control. It never really had been in my control, but this situation right now was worse than everything before.
I ran down the street to the bus station, put my headphones in my ears and just shut the world off. I didn't want to be here anymore, in this moment I wanted to forget about everything. I didn't want to have all these memories and I didn't want to be afraid that history was once again repeating itself. I wanted to trust my Mum this time. Plus Eito and Daichi seemed like nice people. I couldn't exactly put it into words, however the feeling I had with them was different from all the other times my Mum had brought some guy home. Maybe she was right, maybe „the one" did really exist and maybe it was Eito for her. I was sincerly hoping that this time it would work out for my Mum. I didn't want to have to move again, leave people behind who I thought were my family. I couldn't do it all over again - not this time. For some reason, eventhough I only knew them one single day, I had already adjusted to the idea of them being my family. I didn't want to trust them just yet, though I could feel how I got excited about having a real family - it was something I had told myself I didn't need, yet suddenly the thought of not just being alone with my Mum seemed appealing - having a Dad who actually cared for me seemed appealing. I took a deep breath as I started to tear up having my biological producer or something like that pop into my head. That tiny voice inside of my head telling me I was unwanted tried to get louder again. I closed my eyes and let myself fall into this non existing world of music. I didn't want to be in reality anymore. I took in the smelly air in the bus and logged out.

Without realizing I had been taking the way to our new house. I didn't even know that this was the bus that would take me here.
I found myself walking down the small and dark lane that leads to the house. There is light and a moving truck and I can hear people talking.
„Sydney?", I hear a familar voice.
Then I see him. I wondered if I would ever get used to his looks. He was dressed more casual than usual in a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt. It was pretty cold but as he came closer I saw how sweat was running down his forehead.
„What are you doing here?", he asked me.
I was just staring at him. Just then he took the hem of his shirt to dry his face, exposing his stomach yet again in front of me.
My eyes automatically went down to his bare skin and followed the line of dark hair further down...
„Sydney?"
„Sorry", I said and shook my head.
„Are you alright?"
I quickly nodded.
„Daichi! Your new house is so cool", I head a girls voice.
A pretty girl with black pig tails jumped out of the front door and ran into Daichi's direction. She was around my height, threw her arms around Daichi's body and stayed like that while looking at me with curious eyes.
„Are you Sydney?", the girl asked me.
I nodded again.
„I'm Kami", she said and reached one hand out to greet me. I took the hand that had just clung onto Daichi's shirt.
I didn't bring out a word.
„Are you just gonna stand there and leave all the work to me?", a male voice then interrupted the awkward silence.
A guy walked over to us.
„Sydney came", Kami told him. She was still holding onto Daichi's shirt, basically hugging him.
I didn't have any judgement inside my look - or so I thought. But when Daichi noticed me looking at the spot where her hands hooked into one another, he tried to free himself from her grip.
„The infamous Sydney", the guy said and smiled at me.
I could acknoledge that he was a somewhat decent looking guy. All three of them were quite beautiful people.
„I'm Trevor by the way", the guy then introduced himself.
I just nodded at him. I didn't really feel comfortable.
„What is going on here?", I asked Daichi.
„The university send all my stuff that was supposed to go to my dorm this weekend", he shrugged his shoulders.
„Why aren't you going anyways?", I asked.
„Because he doesn't want to be a doctor like his Dad wants him to be", Kami grinned.
I could already tell from the change of look on Daichi's face that this was a rather difficult topic for him, so I decided not to ask further questions. For now.
„Why are you here? You haven't answered my question", Daichi pointed out.
„I don't know", I said in all honesty. And with that I passed by the three of them and went over to the house. They were almost done with moving all the boxes into the house and the truck was basically empty.
„Do you need any help?", I asked. Maybe moving some boxes would clear my head and not bring back the thoughts of the awkward fight with my Mum. After all I just ran into the reason for our fight.
„I should bring the truck back, you can accompany me if you want to", Trevor winked at me.
„Yea, she won't", Daichi said.
Trevor and Kami exchanged some knowing glance.
„I'll come", Kami said and already opened the door to the truck.
„You're leaving already?", Daichi went. It seemed as if he liked having her around. I couldn't really make out their relationship yet though.
Kami shrugged her shoulders: „You don't need me here anymore. Come on Trevor, let's go!"
„See you soon, Sydney", Trevor said.
He and Kami waved at me before they took off and I waved back.
„They seemed nice", I said when it was only Daichi and me.
„Just be careful around Trevor", Daichi said.
„Isn't he your friend?", I asked.
„That doesn't mean he won't be trying to make a move on you."
I didn't know what else to say. I just didn't see myself as someone anyone would ‚make a move on'.
„Can I stay here?", I instead asked.
Daichi looked at me a little startled: „It's your home, of course you can stay here."

I went into my room. It felt unfamiliar but I thought once I got all of my things in here, I would probably be able to feel home. I hoped so.
The house was way bigger than the house my Mum and I had lived in. Suddenly I felt like this house was matching my private school persona. This was what people were expecting from someone going to my school.
I had listened to Daichi moving around in his room on the other side of the bathroom. But now that I thought of it, it had been quiet for quite some time. I concentrated to hear something, though there was nothing but silence.
I got up from the comfortable spot on my new bed and went out into the corridor. Daichi's door was still open, but he wasn't inside his room.
The front door was closed. It looked scary from up here - the entrance hall was completely in the dark and I could see the rain falling down in front of the windows. It was a typical autumn night with lots of wind that was pulling on the house and rain that was knocking on the glass.
„Daichi?", I asked into the silence.
It was a bit scary being alone in this house. I didn't know where to go look for him, so I went down to the kitchen first. But everything was dark down here. He wouldn't have left without telling me, would he? I started to panic more than I wanted to. My palms got sweaty and I couldn't deny that I was really scared by the thought of being left alone in this dark and empty house in the middle of nowhere without anyone knowing I was here - okay that was maybe slightly exaggerated.
I was thinking of what to do next. Should I go home? Daichi didn't appear to be here anymore. Should I stay here alone? I didn't even think about school the next day. It was probably best if I went home before it got too late.
„Sydney", Daichi said from upstairs.

I kissed my brother - Chapter 2

Making the perfect first impression wasn‘t exactly my goal. But I was 17, I should be mature. Or at least something close to that.

So I did what I was supposed to. I dressed pretty in a white top with ruffles. I looked like someone‘s 5 year old child. Cute and innocent was the look I was going for - showing Eito that he married a woman who was capable of raising her daughter to be a fine young lady.

„You look lovely“, my Mum said when I came out of my room. 

I had to admit she did look really happy. She seemed so relaxed and she wasn‘t even nervous that I was right about to meet him. Is that what love was? Did love make her feel comfortable in a situation like this? But I didn‘t get much time to think about the meaning of love in all this, because the door bell rang and with that my Mum jumped to run to the door.

She hugged the man named Eito, he hugged her back with a large smile on his face. He was a short Japanese man. He didn‘t look special and he didn‘t look rich if it wasn‘t for the little emblem on his perfectly ironed shirt.

„You must be Sydney“, he smiled at me. He seemed nice, I thought. I didn‘t want to admit it though.

He hugged me too which I didn‘t expect him to do. I grew up learning that Japanese parents don‘t show much affection. So having this stranger hugging me right away felt awkward. I didn‘t know I liked it or not. 

And then I saw him as my Mum opened the door to let another guest in. She was smiling up at him, a 185 cm tall god. 

„You‘ve got to be kidding me“, I said and blinked at him. First this morning, then at school and now he was here. He was the son of my Mum‘s new boyfriend? No, no, no, no.

„And just like that we meet again“, he said with a slight hint of playfulness inside of his voice. He looked exactly like the type of guy who could wrap any girl around his finger. 

„You two already know each other?“, Eito asked and looked a little startled. 

„Yeah, what a coincedence“, I said and glared at him. I didn‘t really have any reason to glare. Maybe it was just to defend myself and make him forget about the fact that I took his picture without his consent and ran away leaving him on the street with the honking cars. Not my best move. 

„Where did you guys meet?“, my Mum asked.

Him and me were still quietly looking at each other. I didn‘t know what he was thinking. I didn‘t have the slightest idea, but I had to make it seem like I knew what I was up against.

„I thought you only arrived here a couple of hours ago“, Eito said a little confused and looked at his son who seemed to come after his mother. Not meaning to be rude, but Eito looked nothing like his son. Nothing.

I raised an eyebrow and wondered why that guy didn‘t reply already. And I was wondering why my Mum didn‘t count one and one together - she must‘ve known that he was a teacher at my school.

„He‘s a teacher at my school?“, I made it sound like a question. I saw how he flinched.

„Eito is a teacher at your school, yes“, my Mum confirmed what hasn‘t been my question.

I finally looked away from him and at my Mum. 

„He was supposed to start today, but because we were stuck in Hawaii he will have his first day tomorrow. But don‘t worry he won‘t be bugging you a lot“, she explained and fixed my hair like only a mother would.

„So they are both teach...“, I furrowed. Though I couldn‘t finish my question because Eito‘s son was quicker and held his hand over my mouth. 

„Why don‘t you show me your room before dinner?“, he pulled me away from our parents.

I freed myself from his grip and looked up at him angrily.

„My room is that way“, I spat and rushed off having him follow me and leaving our parents speechless at the front door.

We reached my room, I waited for him to enter and then closed the door behind him. 

„So?“, I asked.

He turned around with an awkward smile on his lips. I could tell he didn‘t like I had just caught him in a lie.

„You are going to Edwin High?“, he asked.

I nodded.

„I didn‘t see you there“, he said.

„I saw you though“, I said and crossed my arms in front of my chest, leaning against my desk.

„How unconvenient“, he said and breathed in sharply. 

„So I take it you are not really a teacher there?“

„Correct“, he replied. 

„Care to explain?“, I asked. 

„Not really“, he simply replied and looked around my room. 

„You better do because otherwise I‘m gonna tell your Dad.“

He stopped walking around and turned in my direction. 

„What do you want?“, he then asked. Good to know that he was afraid enough of his Dad that the ‚I will tell on you‘-card worked.

He was wearing a neat pair of suit pants, a black silk shirt and an expensive looking watch. I wished I could take a picture of that too. This outfit was even better than the navy suit he wore this morning.

„Another picture“, I said boldly.

„What kind of fetish is that?“, he rose an eyebrow.

I sighed: „It‘s not a fetish, it‘s reference.“

„Reference?“, he repeated.

I nodded and grabbed my phone. 

„For my webtoon.“

I held the phone up in the air and tried to get a good angle. To my suprise he was going along with it.

„So if I let you take my picture, you will keep it a secret from my Dad?“, he wanted to confirm.

„Sure“, I said a little absent while trying to concentrate on the picture. „Can you look a little more arrogant?“, I asked.

„You got yourself a deal, Miss...?“, he said and reached his hand out.

„Sydney Tamashiro“, I said and grabbed his hand. 

„Daichi Ohira“, he introduced himself. His name sounded like a forbidden candy that I suddenly had the urge to taste on my lips.

I shook that thought off and let go of his hand. 

I waved him back so he would finally pose for the picture.

„Can I see it?“

„The picture?“, I asked.

„Your webtoon“, he said.

„Really?“, I wasn‘t used to people being interest in my drawings. Apart from Ellen of course. But Ellen was Ellen. I could probably draw a stick and she would tell be how beautiful and artsy it was. „But don‘t laugh“, I added and opened my laptop.

„Wait, you‘re telling me, you drew this?“, he went.

I nodded.

„That‘s actually pretty good.“

„Thank you.“

Another thing I wasn‘t used to was being complimented by others. 

„You have to show me once you use me as reference.“

„You are interested in seeing that?“

Daichi nodded: „Sure.“

He seemed genuine. But I knew better than to trust a man. I didn‘t know him, I didn‘t know his intentions. So I needed to stay careful around him. I couldn‘t let my guard down.

It was hard not to stare at him. Don‘t get me wrong, I wasn‘t into him. I was simply fascinated by him. I‘ve never seen such a beautiful person other than on TV. He looked like a model, tall, slender yet muscular, perfect skin, perfect hair, his voice was calming and exciting at the same time, the look on his face was intense and yet seemed so innocent and pure. I was just full of ideas on how my character in my webtoon would be. So many storylines popped into my head. 

„Sydney?“, my Mum brought me back to the table.

„Huh?“, I flinched.

„I was asking if we should go see the house tomorrow. Or is it too soon?“

„The house? Oh, sure, the house. No, we can look at it tomorrow“, I said without really knowing what was going on.

A smile flashed over Daichi‘s perfect face. 

„You can choose your own room. I told Daichi he had to let you choose first“, Eito said proudly. 

I wanted to appreciate that gesture. But I had a hard time doing so.

„Are teachers earning so much money?“, I heard myself ask. So much for appreciation.

Eito laughed awkwardly: „Well, the pay isn‘t bad.“

„Sydney!“, my Mum hissed.

I glanced at her and then back at Daichi who was pulling apart the fish my Mum had cooked.

„Here“, he said and put a large piece on my rice bowl. „I took the bones out.“

Did he want a price for that?

Something about the Ohira family seemed off. They were way too nice. What did they want from us. It obviously wasn‘t money. Organs maybe?

And there I saw my kidney being shipped to China. I‘d seen way too many movies about that.

„So what do you think of Daichi?“, my Mum suddenly asked.

I immediately choked on that piece of fish Daichi had given me.

„What?“, I caughed.

„I mean as your new brother? Is that something you can arrange yourself with?“

„Don‘t you think you could maybe ask me that when HE ISN‘T SITTING WITH US?“, I got unintentionally loud at the end of that sentence.

I quickly cleared my throat and concentrated on my rice bowl.

„I find we should all be open about this and communicate with respect. That‘s how Eito and Daichi are practicing it“, my Mum said.

„Don’t worry. You won‘t be seeing much of him anyways“, Eito said and smiled at me. „He will attend college soon.“

„About that, Dad“, Daichi said. He took a sip of water while he had full attention.

I wanted to be the water touching his lips - that would make a great sentence in my webtoon. Daichi was pure gold for my inspiration. I needed to write that down as soon as possible.

„I will kind of skip a year and start college next year.“

„You what?“, Eito went. The chill and calm Eito suddenly didn‘t seem so chill and calm anymore. They weren‘t perfect after all. But I still liked them around. At least until I finished my story.

Daichi reached for the water carafe while avoiding eye contact with his Dad. He then knocked it over which resulted in me taking an involuntary bath in cold water.

I clenched my teeth and fists and looked at Daichi, holding myself back not to yell at him.

„Oh gosh, I‘m so sorry“, Daichi jumped up from his chair.

„I‘ll get some towels“, my Mum ran into the kitchen.

„I‘ll go change“, I said still holding my rage back. He totally did that on purpose.

„I‘ll help her“, Daichi said and again followed me up to my room. Nobody seemed to have noticed that him helping me change didn‘t make any sense.

I pulled my wet shirt over my head and threw it onto the ground with a sigh.

„What are you doing?“, Daichi asked shocked.

„Changing my shirt? Because you spilled water all over it“, I asked back and turned around.

His gaze dropped from my face over my bare body.

„In front of me?“, he asked with something in his voice that sounded like discomfort.

„You‘re my brother. Plus, you followed me in here“, I shrugged my shoulders and turned around to get a fresh shirt from my closet.

Daichi slowly approached me.

„That means I can take my clothes off in front of you too?“, he asked while unbuttoning his black shirt.

I turned back at him just to see his perfectly shaped torso. I couldn‘t ask him to take a picture of THAT. So instead I needed to burn this image into my brain. 

„Why would YOU take your shirt off?“, I heard myself ask, concentrating on his chocolate abs. What that too cliché? He was definitely a lunatic though. Our parents were just outside my room and he was doing...yeah what was he even doing?

He came even closer and pushed me backwards until I hit the closet door. A satisfied smirk captured his lips when he saw the confused look on my face. Daichi then grabbed me and pulled me over to the bed. I didn’t really know what was going on. 

„You should be more careful“, he said. I was lying on my bed, plushies surrounding me and Daichi on top of me, his muscles flexed and the scent of his parfum slowly finding its way to my nose. God, he smelled so good.

„What are you doing?“, I asked without moving. Surprisingly having him on top of me wasn‘t the most uncomfortable position I could think of. Wait what? What the hell was I thinking?

„You can‘t take off your clothes so carelessy in front of guys“, he said.

I had a hard time focussing on his face when he wasn‘t wearing a shirt. 

„Do you want to take a picture of this too?“, he asked with a smile.

He was teasing me. Snap, he totally caught me staring.

„Oh I‘ve seen chicken before. No need to take a picture“, I replied. 

Daichi clenched his teeth. 

His eyes were lingering over my body while he was holding my wrists, leaning over me.

„What are you doing?“, I asked him again. I felt how my brain wanted to shut down, how I just wanted to enjoy his forbidden closeness. 

Daichi leaned in and whispered into my ear: „Guys might take it as an invitation when you undress in front of them.“

My body started to tingle and it was horrible how comfortable his skin felt on mine. This wasn‘t right at all. What was going on with me? I realized how my body had started to burn and for a short moment I had invisioned touching his skin, exploring his body.

Daichi‘s face came closer, I felt his breath on my cheek and I could see my own reflection in the depth of his eyes. He was beautiful, attractive, stunning.

He leaned in to, as what it seemed like, kiss me. Before his lips could touch mine, I pulled my leg up hitting him right, in the crotch. He whined in pain and I managed to push him off of me. He fell from the bed, landed on the floor with a loud rumble, holding his crotch, his eyes filled with tears of agony.

„Sydney, are you okay?“, my Mum asked in front of my door. She must‘ve heard the noise when Daichi fell to the ground and came looking for us. Took her quite a while to check on me, after all him and me had been in my room for at least 10 minutes. 

I quickly grabbed Daichi‘s shirt as it was the closest thing nearby and pulled it over to cover my body.

„How long can it take to change a shirt?“, my Mum asked while opening the door, barging into my room. She first looked at Daichi on the floor and then looked at me with confusion and worry on her face.

„Why isn‘t Daichi wearing a shirt?“, she asked.

„Oh, that. He offered me to wear his shirt because I said I never wore actual silk before“, I lied. „Right, Daichi?“, I kicked him to get his approval.

„Yes, that is totally what happened“, he confirmed, the pain clearly audible in his voice.

„Then what is he going to wear now?“

I couldn‘t help myself but smirk when we were sitting back at the dinner table. Me wearing the expensive silk and Daichi wearing one of my band shirts from school - pink with a sparkly EH on the chest.

„It really compliments your skin tone“, I said.

„Didn‘t you have any other shirts that he could wear?“, my Mum asked me. She didn‘t seem too pleased.

„No, Mum. He is way to well built to fit into my clothes“, I said to make it believable. It was astonishing how easy it was to fool the old people. Daichi totally knew I was just playing around, saying whatever they needed to hear to not be mad at me.

„It‘s really fine“, Daichi said. „A handsome face can pull off anything.“

„See, Mum. He‘s fine.“

„I really hope you will get along now that Daichi is going to stay with us“, my Mum mentioned. She had a worried look on her face that I didn‘t understand. Moving into a new house with her and her new boyfriend, fiancé or husband or whatever he was, was bad enough. Did she really think some idiot step brother like Daichi would do any difference. I couldn‘t care less if he was going to be in college or staying in the same house with me. It was just one year left anyways and then I would be long gone for my dream university, far away from them. Well not really far actually, but you get the point.

i-Love - My Online Crush - Chapter 11

 „Kyungmin? Is that you?", Chanmi went.

She was also dressed as a vampire. Because most people dressed as vampires on Halloween. 

„What are you doing here? Is Soo Young here too?", she asked.

„She probably left with that Jimin guy.", Kyungmin sighed. 

He sat on the side of the road with a bottle of soju. 

„Huh?", Chanmi went.

„It's a long story.", Kyungmin said.

„I got time.", she said and sat down next to him. She told her group to go on without her. 

„You remember Hansol, right?", Kyungmin started off.

„Yea, Soo Young said they were over."

„Hansol and her were over. Because Hansol wasn't who he said he was."

„You are confusing me.", Chanmi said. 

„Hansol was only a step in for Jimin."

„Who is Jimin?", she wanted to know.

„That guy from BTS.", Kyungmin said. He himself couldn't believe it. But he had to since he'd seen it with his own pair of eyes. He'd seen how that slender figure had made his way through to Soo Young and how she was hypnotized by him right away. He had watched her hugging him without hesitation. They seemed close. Too close for Kyungmin's taste. 

„For real?", Chanmi went.

Kyungmin nodded and drank more soju. 

„But...", Chanmi was out of words.

„I don't get it either.", Kyungmin said, shaking his head.

„Didn't you tell her you liked her?", Chanmi asked.

„I tried."

„What does that mean?"

„We kissed..."

„You kissed?", she gasped. „When? How?"

„It just somehow happened. We kissed, she kissed me back. I thought that would be the start of something. But we never talked about it after.", he sighed.

„And why not?"

Kyungmin shrugged his shoulders: „She was really drunk that night. She wanted to forget about Jimin. My timing wasn't right. I shouldn't have kissed her then. I should've waited for a good moment. But I couldn't stand seeing her so miserable. I couldn't stand watching her being sad over some dude who broke her heart."

„But she is with him now?", Chanmi asked. She seemed to be missing some details in between.

„Don't even ask me how that happened. Soo Young was fine, things had ended and she was returning back to normal. I thought soon I'd have my chance to tell her. That was until he showed up tonight out of nowhere."

„Wow...What did you do then?"

„I punched him.", Kyungmin said and looked at his hand that hurt quite a bit.

„You didn't.", Chanmi laughed.

„It isn't funny. I completely lost it when I saw them together. She was so mad at him and he treated her so bad and then they were about to kiss."

„Ouch.", Chanmi made a face.

„Now I completely scared her away."

„I don't think you did."

„I saw them leaving together to god knows where. Whatever he told her, she probably believes it. She is naive."

Chanmi didn't know what to say. 

„What am I supposed to do?", he asked her.

„I don't really know too.", she said.

„I don't want to wait and fix her broken heart. I was the one always being there for her. I worked in the morning and at night just to be there for her when she needed anything."

„You worked only to see her? You are a hopeless romantic."

Kyungmin nodded: „I can only hope that they won't last. But doesn't that make me a bad friend? I should want her to be happy."

„But you want her to be happy. Just not with him."

„Who am I to decide who is best for her though?", he went.

„This situation...", Chanmi went.

„Sucks.", Kyungmin finished her sentence.

„Yea, it sucks.", she agreed.

Both nodded, accepting the misery of the moment.

Jimin and I went back to his apartment. A place where I had been before and that made me feel awkwardly cheap.

We had to be extra careful. We couldn't risk another picture being taken. So I was hiding on the backseat, while he was driving into the garage. It looked as stupid as it sounds. And I didn't feel good doing it.

I knew it would be hard to be with him. We would always have to be careful wherever we went. But I didn't want to think of the hardships that may come with this relationship. If it even would be a relationship. Can you even imagine me dating Jimin? I sure can't.

„What do you want to do?", he asked me when we reached his apartment. „You should probably change into something more comfortable and get rid of the fake blood.", he added., pointing on my outfit.

I was wearing a pair of shorts and a crop top, revealing a lot of my skin. Only now I noticed the way I was dressed.

„Don't you like my outfit?", I wanted to tease him.

Jimin stepped closer and ran his hands over my bare arms. „I guess I like it a bit too much.", he said and bit his lower lip. 

„It would be a waste then to change into something else.", I said. I didn't know where this confident and playful side of me suddenly came from. It was just the feeling he gave me. 

„I couldn't agree more. I could look at you all night." He stood there in his blue prince attire made out of velvet. It looked really expensive. But on him everything looked worth a million dollars. Even sweat pants. And yea, I actually knew that.

„Oh, you're just gonna look?", I grinned.

A smirk went onto Jimin's perfect lips. 

„What do you have in mind then?", he asked and looked at me. 

„I could think of one or two things.", I said and backed off a little. But he didn't let me. He followed me not letting any space between us. I wanted him to chase me.

„Then let me show you what I had in mind since I first saw you.", he said with a husky voice. 

My back hit the wall and I was caught between it and Jimin's slender body. My heart was exploding, I was sure he could hear it.

His black eyes gazed into mine. He cupped my face and ran his thumb over my lips. 

It was going to happen. I knew it. 

„Show me then.", I whispered back.

„Are you sure?", he asked. And I loved him for it. I loved how he was teasing me, nearing his lips but stopping right before he would actually kiss me.

I focused on him and tried to breathe normally. 

„Don't tell me I didn't warn you.", he then said and with that, his lips crashed onto mine. It was a hungry kiss. Like he had been waiting for it to happen. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. The taste of him was amazing. I was sure that was what angels tasted like. He tasted pure, like heaven.

I reached out for his face and he suddenly flinched. I looked at him, my lips already reddened from his kisses. His bruise must've hurt.

„Maybe we shouldn't then.", I said quietly.

He chuckled. „I can bare a little pain if it means I get to kiss the most beautiful girl alive."

„What about the dead then?", I asked as a joke.

„Alive and dead.", he said and kissed me once more. 

It wasn't my first kiss. But it was my first kiss with Jimin. And it was the best kiss I had ever received. Like I had kissed a bunch of people before to compare... But I somehow regretted the kiss with Kyungmin. It would've been something so special. giving Jimin my first kiss. I wanted to give him my first everything.

I quickly wanted more. I suddenly felt like he was too far away, even though our bodys were pressed against each other.

„Soo Young.", Jimin breathed. He brought some air between us. „Should we eat something?"

„Really?", I went. Mood killer much.

„Aren't you hungry?", he asked me.

My belly grumbled. He must've heard it while we were kissing. Stupid stomach ruining my moment.

„But I...", I said.

„You should eat something.", he insisted. 

Why would he do this now? Why couldn't he just continue to kiss me?

„Can't you just...have me now?", I asked and blushed at the same time. It was a ridiculous thing to ask.

„Wow...", he went. „Wow, I mean...wow.", he kissed me once more in response and let his hands run over my body, his muscles tensed. I was melting underneath his touch. And I was hungry to touch him too - not hungry for food. It was when I tried to remove his velvet jacket that he stopped me again.

„I can't have you now.", he said, heavily breathing.

„Why not?", I wanted to know.

He chuckled. „Because there is nothing worse than an empty stomach."

I looked somewhat disappointed.

„Don't get me wrong, you are driving me crazy right now. It's hard to hold back. But I don't want you to rush things."

„It's not rushing.", I complained.

„I'm yours now, Soo Young. I won't go anywhere anymore. I will stay by your side until you get annoyed of me."

„Don't say something like that.", I protested. „How could I get annoyed of you?"

He smiled at me and took my hands into his. His perfect and soft hands. I've never seen such delicate hands on a man. But then again, he was an angel after all.

„Let's get you something to eat. I don't want you to collapse because you don't eat well. Not on my watch", he changed the topic.

He was probably right. But I was scared to lose him again. And to have lost my chance to be with him. I didn't know why everything felt so right with him. It was scary in a way. It made me act in ways that I didn't know from myself. It was like my mind didn't function, my body tried to take over control. And my body wanted him really bad.

„Can I have one more kiss before we eat?", I asked him.

„You can have as many kisses as you want.", he replied in a sweet tone.

I closed my eyes and waited for him to place the most soft kiss onto my lips.

We stayed up late, watching horror movies, cuddling and exchanging some more kisses. But none of them as hungrily as before. I was holding back and so was he. For whatever reason it was good to hold back. I didn't get the point of holding back when there were two people obviously wanting the same thing. But I guess that's how it was done. And so I stuck with it. 

I later found myself in his bed. I lay in Jimin's bed. Who would've believed something like this would happen?

The darkness surrounded us and I could barely see him. But knowing he was there, made me feel save.

„I want to do so many things with you.", he said.

„Like what?", I asked.

„I want to go travel. Have great food together, explore new places. You can come to the studio with me and maybe you can even come on tour with us one day. I want to spend every day with you."

„Really?"

He stroke over my hair, caressing me.

I wasn't sure if what he had planned out in his mind would be possible.

His manager didn't seem to like me very much. Or more likely didn't seem to like the fact that Jimin had a girlfriend. I didn't know he had a contract that forbid him to date or not. And I didn't want to ask. I felt like he would tell me if it was necessary. For sure I wouldn't be the reason for him to lose his company. I could never take this away from him. I knew his career would always come first. And I was second.

A feeling of sadness overcame me. Laying in bed with him seemed like something that could be difficult in the future. I always had to sneak in and sneak out of the building. I wasn't some celebrity girlfriend to show off. I was just me. We probably couldn't have an open relationship. I wouldn't be good enough for him. And I was sure people would tell me over and over again until it would break me. 

I was unbelievable enough that someone like him actually liked me and wanted to be with me. 

But I knew too that it wasn't completely up to him. 

I knew that eventually I had to leave his side for his own good. I had to enjoy it while it lasted. I decided that I would put him first. I couldn't be selfish. Not with him. He didn't deserve to be dragged down from someone like me.

„You are so amazing.", I whispered sadly and ran my fingers through his soft hair. 

I wanted to remember this night forever. My first night with Jimin.